Out of Bounds... with Eric Pierce
Monday, July 28, 2008
Honoring the 2007 Champion
In Hollywood, they honor their best, not with Oscars or other awards. No, only the best go through the time-honored tradition of getting roasted. Indeed, it's considered an honor to be roasted.
If it works for them…
Dustin, I hope you're sitting down. And not just because Walker is sneaking up behind you with the Vaseline and that pink-stained towel.
Dustin's 2007 season reminds me of a romantic comedy. You know the kind – a frumpy girl whose beauty is hidden behind big glasses, a dude finally sees the true beauty in her. They hook up. Dude discovers she's, also, a dude.
Yep. Dustin's season reminds me of The Crying Game.
If you look at the record (8-5), pts scored (2nd overall) the championship – sure, it all looks great. I'd want to tap that too. But Dustin has a dark and dirty secret. His team sucks.
Take a look at his final, "Championship-winning", roster.
He's got two guys on IR (Green & Fargas). His #2 running back is Leon Washington. And he somehow missed the memo that the Bears had given up on the Devin Hester experiment.
How did this yahoo win the championship? And more importantly, how can we prevent this travesty from happening again? Let's explore, by going back to the beginning.
Coming into the 2007 season, no one gave Dustin's Old No.7 a chance. If I had to bet, I would have put money on Jerome's squad over Dustin's, and Jerome team was drafted by a bunch of half-drunk dudes who wanted him to end up with a shitty team (which he did).
After all, Dustin didn't exactly have a history of fantasy football dominance. He had the worst winning percentage in the history of the 4th and 20 league (.300) after going 4-9 in 2006 and 2-11 in the inaugural season.
The cards were stacked against Dustin. Craig had even printed out 'Fire Dustin' shirts for everyone to wear at the 2008 draft.
This is the guy that drafted his kicker four rounds too soon. (By the way, if you're keeping score at home, Vinatieri finished as the 11th best Kicker in 2007).
I'm not saying his drafting skills are Millen-esque (hate him, but Millen would never pick a fantasy Kicker before the 14th round), although he did like drafting WRs in 2007. Seriously, take a look at Dustin's post-draft roster.
Can someone tell me how this asshole won the Championship? Seriously - he's got 4 great players (Gates, Braylon, Westbrook, Brees) and a pile junk. Ted Ginn Jr? Really??
He was active on the waiver wire, I'll give him that, getting lucky with two pickups in particular – Greg Jennings (nice job, Jeremy) and Justin Fargas (my bad). So, basically, Dustin was just one lucky fucker.
(disclaimer – I would be remiss not to mention my own strike of luck last year. The Losman/R Wayne/A Peterson (the old, slow one) for Romo/Burress/Curry trade was an absolute gift. Turns out Jeremy drafted the best team and then traded and waived all his best players. Good looking out B.)
So, in closing, I'll say this to our new champion. We're onto your little formula for success. We're aware of how you lulled us into a false sense of comfort by drafting a really shitty team and then playing the waiver wire game. And we won't let it happen again.
Oh, and one other thing – I've seen The Crying Game, and I know where your mouth has been. Wash the trophy when you are done with it.
If it works for them…
Dustin, I hope you're sitting down. And not just because Walker is sneaking up behind you with the Vaseline and that pink-stained towel.
Dustin's 2007 season reminds me of a romantic comedy. You know the kind – a frumpy girl whose beauty is hidden behind big glasses, a dude finally sees the true beauty in her. They hook up. Dude discovers she's, also, a dude.
Yep. Dustin's season reminds me of The Crying Game.
If you look at the record (8-5), pts scored (2nd overall) the championship – sure, it all looks great. I'd want to tap that too. But Dustin has a dark and dirty secret. His team sucks.
Take a look at his final, "Championship-winning", roster.
| Player Name | NFL Team | Position |
| Adam Vinatieri | | K |
| Ahman Green | HOU | RB |
| Antonio Gates | SD | TE |
| Braylon Edwards | CLE | WR |
| Brian Westbrook | PHI | RB |
| Devin Hester | CHI | WR |
| Donte' Stallworth | NE | WR |
| Drew Brees | NO | QB |
| Greg Jennings | GB | WR |
| Julius Jones | DAL | RB |
| Leon Washington | NYJ | RB |
| | NO | DEF |
| Santonio Holmes | PIT | WR |
| Vince Young | TEN | QB |
| | WAS | DEF |
He's got two guys on IR (Green & Fargas). His #2 running back is Leon Washington. And he somehow missed the memo that the Bears had given up on the Devin Hester experiment.
How did this yahoo win the championship? And more importantly, how can we prevent this travesty from happening again? Let's explore, by going back to the beginning.
Coming into the 2007 season, no one gave Dustin's Old No.7 a chance. If I had to bet, I would have put money on Jerome's squad over Dustin's, and Jerome team was drafted by a bunch of half-drunk dudes who wanted him to end up with a shitty team (which he did).
After all, Dustin didn't exactly have a history of fantasy football dominance. He had the worst winning percentage in the history of the 4th and 20 league (.300) after going 4-9 in 2006 and 2-11 in the inaugural season.
The cards were stacked against Dustin. Craig had even printed out 'Fire Dustin' shirts for everyone to wear at the 2008 draft.
This is the guy that drafted his kicker four rounds too soon. (By the way, if you're keeping score at home, Vinatieri finished as the 11th best Kicker in 2007).
I'm not saying his drafting skills are Millen-esque (hate him, but Millen would never pick a fantasy Kicker before the 14th round), although he did like drafting WRs in 2007. Seriously, take a look at Dustin's post-draft roster.
| Player Name | NFL Team | Position |
| Adam Vinatieri | | K |
| Ahman Green | HOU | RB |
| Antonio Gates | SD | TE |
| Braylon Edwards | CLE | WR |
| Brian Westbrook | PHI | RB |
| Devery Henderson | NO | WR |
| Donte' Stallworth | NE | WR |
| Drew Brees | NO | QB |
| Hank Baskett | PHI | WR |
| Julius Jones | DAL | RB |
| Matt Leinart | ARI | QB |
| Najeh Davenport | PIT | RB |
| Randy McMichael | STL | TE |
| Santonio Holmes | PIT | WR |
| Ted Ginn Jr. | MIA | WR |
Can someone tell me how this asshole won the Championship? Seriously - he's got 4 great players (Gates, Braylon, Westbrook, Brees) and a pile junk. Ted Ginn Jr? Really??
He was active on the waiver wire, I'll give him that, getting lucky with two pickups in particular – Greg Jennings (nice job, Jeremy) and Justin Fargas (my bad). So, basically, Dustin was just one lucky fucker.
(disclaimer – I would be remiss not to mention my own strike of luck last year. The Losman/R Wayne/A Peterson (the old, slow one) for Romo/Burress/Curry trade was an absolute gift. Turns out Jeremy drafted the best team and then traded and waived all his best players. Good looking out B.)
So, in closing, I'll say this to our new champion. We're onto your little formula for success. We're aware of how you lulled us into a false sense of comfort by drafting a really shitty team and then playing the waiver wire game. And we won't let it happen again.
Oh, and one other thing – I've seen The Crying Game, and I know where your mouth has been. Wash the trophy when you are done with it.
Labels: Roast
¶ 7:24 AM 0 Comments