Out of Bounds... with Eric Pierce

2009 Post Draft Surveys

2009-09-10T05:45:00.000-07:00

One word sums up the 2009 draft. One word so succinctly describes the awesome heights to which our league has ascended. There can be no doubt that this is the greatest Fantasy Football league the world has ever know.

And that word? Nachos. As in, 6 huge, man-sized platters, delivered upon the biggest tray I have ever seen, backed by a second huge tray of fixins.

And if I was a prike, I'd throw in a second word - Coles, as in REACH - but I'm not, so I won't.

They said it couldn't be done. And yet, when the dust settled on the 2009 draft, the impossible had been realized.

We have a new best-draft-ever. 2008 is dead! Long live 2009!

Of course, the actual draft part of the festivities went better for some than for others. As per tradition, I present the post draft recap in all it's brutal glory.

Summary View

Biggest Reach
Laveranues Coles (Liefer) - receiving 75% of the vote

Other vote getters:
NYG Defense (Wes) with 12.5%
Larry Johnson (Walker) with 12.5%

Best Value
Matt Hasselbeck (Twig) receiving 25% of the vote

Other vote getters:
Adrian Peterson (Liefer) - 12.5%
David Garrard (Liefer) - 12.5%
Donovan McNabb (Jeremy) - 12.5%
Eddie Royal (Jeremy) - 12.5%
Braylon Edwards (Badics) - 12.5%
Bernard Berrian (Eric) - 12.5%

Best Draft
aka - the Pierce Brothers rule (at least in August)
Jeremy & Eric with 37.5% each

Other vote getters:
Badics with 12.5%
Torey with 12.5%

Worst Draft
Liefer with 50% of the vote

Other vote getters:
Jerome with 25%
Badics with 12.5%
Bud with 12.5%

Preseason Favorite to Win the Championship
Polls show the Sharks are favorites to repeat!
Eric with 37.5% of votes

Other vote getters:
Jeremy & Dustin with 25% each
Walker with 12.5%

Owner Surveys

Jeremy
Team-Specific Questions
Q: How do you feel about your WR? You ended up trading away Calvin Johnson and ended up with Bowe, who may struggle with Cassel and without anyone else to deflect attention, and TJ Housh, who played the possession receiver role in Cincy but may struggle as the #1 guy in Seattle (not to mention, his productivity is tied to Hasselbeck’s bulgy back). For all intents and purposes, your depth begins and ends with Eddie Royal. Any concerns about your WR core?

I actually feel really good about my WR… I hated doing it because he's a beast, but the point of trading Megatron was to get stronger at RB, which I was able to do with Barber (staying at 9 to pick a RB would have killed me as there was a big dropoff after Ronnie Brown). I was pumped to get Bowe and Housh in the 2nd round, they are both #1 WR on teams that will likely throw the ball a ton (KC because they suck and Seattle because their run game is somewhat suspect). If I have any injuries here I will be kinda screwed, sure, but who wouldn't. I thought I got Royal at a great value, especially considering all the questions surrounding Brandon Marshall. Earl Bennett is a nice sleeper who could pan out as a bye week fill-in.

Q: Your RB consist of Marion Barber, Darren McFadden, and a stable of Donald Brown, Ahmad Bradshaw, Leon Washington, and Ricky Williams. You have a lot of depth in terms of bodies, but they are all in job-share roles – even your top 2 (Barber & McFadden) are in full time-shares and are projected to split carries. You have a lot of talent, but no real #1 guy that you can count on every week to get the majority of carries. How happy are you with your RB, and any regrets on passing up the true #1 RBs out there – guys like Lynch, Thomas Jones, or LJ?

No regrets on passing on those guys… to get Lynch or LJ I would have had to pass up on Barber, and to get Jones I would have had to pass on Bowe & Housh… neither of those moves would have made sense. I may have a lot of RBs that split carries, but there are very few RBs who get an 80% or better share of the carries in the National Football League. Brown, Washington, and Bradshaw should crack 1,000 total yds and a handful of TD each in their time shares or possibly much better #s if an injury happens. My only problem with having all of these similar-level RBs is deciding which to start at the flex spot (along with Royal)… that gave me countless headaches last year.

Q: You waited a long time on TE in favor of RB depth, finally taking Dustin Keller in the 8th. Keller had a break-out year in 2008, but that was with Favre, who loves going to the TE. The 2009 Jets will be a completely different team with Sanchez at QB. Any regrets with the pick?

I do kind of wish I would've taken a TE earlier, but when I was planning to take a certain guy he would get nabbed a couple picks before me. I was also planning on taking best available at most spots in the draft and most times, TE wasn't the way to go. If anything, I should have waited a few rounds on Keller, as I think he would've been there in the 10th or 11th.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Laveranues Coles in the 2nd round… he might not even be the 2nd best WR on his team.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Matt Hasselbeck in the 10th round, great value and I think he'll be better than a few of the QBs that went before him.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I would say Badics, he did a great job of drafting for value at almost every one of his picks.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

I had a tough time picking the worst draft, I think everyone did a solid job overall when considering the keepers. But, I gotta pick someone so I would say Liefer… waited too long to pickup a 3rd RB

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

I hate to say it, but with the best keepers, getting two top 10 WR in the first 2 rounds, and having enough depth to trade for a QB when Schaub gets injured for the year, the Sharks have a good chance to repeat.

Bud
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You did a nice job of picking based on best value at the time. However, the side-effect of that was that you waited until the 4th round to get your 2nd WR (Anthony Gonzalez) and didn’t go back again until Crayton in the 9th. Gonzo is a popular breakout candidate given his move into the #2 WR position in Indy, but is a bit risky as a #2, every-week start WR. Any regrets passing on some of the elite WR available at the time (Steve Smith, Jennings, Boldin, and Bowe)?

I would have picked either Smith or Jennings, but little injuries can sometimes ride throughout the season. Barring catastrophe, Anthony gonzalez will get his. Hopefully, Crayton or Harvin can fill in when called upon.

Q: You went early on QB (Rodgers in the 2nd) and TE (Gates in the 3rd), passing on the ability to solidify RB & WR. The TE pool was relatively deep this year and may have been a position to wait on. Was this a deliberate strategy going into the draft, or did you feel those guys represented the best value at the time?

I really think these two can win a given week even if their supporting cast does not play well. I was definitely targeting these two coming in, and don't feel like I reached or got a steal. Although, I wouldn't have picked them if they didn't represent value.

Q: You spent two early round picks solidifying your grip on Buffalo’s running game (Lynch in the 2nd, Jackson in the 5th), leaving you thin at your 3rd RB spot – McCoy, McGahee, and BenJarvus Green Ellis are your next 3 RBs. What is your strategy for filling the flex spot this year?

I got the guys I wanted and then ended up picking up a few with upside. Maybe I can catch lightning in a bottle somewhere for the flex spot.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I guess first defense taken two rounds before any others (Wes). Very good draft I thought.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Although it was a no-brainer - Adrian Peterson - It would be great to get the #1 running back by far in essentially the third round.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy, he got a couple guys I was looking at later on in the draft. He also got a couple more picks I suppose.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer, Hard to believe he would let someone else on the computer take some of his picks for him.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

How about Eric, after getting there numerous times, he's now learned how to win the big one.

Liefer
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You started strong at RB, pairing Pierre with the no-brainer of AP. You didn’t go back to the position until the 7th / 8th, getting Earnest Graham & Jamaal Charles back-to-back. Graham is solidly in a 3-way rotation with Ward likely to get most of the carries, and Cadillac to contend with as well. At best, Graham becomes a goal-line back. And in KC, LJ has looked solid and should be the feature back again, limiting Charles’ opportunities. Any regret at not landing a solid #3 RB earlier?

I have no regrets not landing a RB earlier than the 7th & 8th rounds. AP is the best RB in football and I love the upside of Pierre Thomas. Given the drop off in RB’s I did not think it was worth using a 3-6th round pick for a RB. If AP gets hurt I will be the first to admit my team is in deep trouble. If he stays healthy and is a stud, I love my chances at making the playoffs.

Q: Laveranues Coles in the 3rd felt like a huge reach. Let’s look at the facts – as a fantasy player, he’s been terribly inconsistent week-to-week; he’s moving to a new system in Cincy, and his getting strong contention from Chris Henry for the #2 spot; even if he is the #2 WR in Cincy, the lion’s share of looks will go to Ocho, who figures to bounce back from a bad 2008. Considering all of this, and the talent available at the time – Vincent Jackson, Roy Williams (both solid #1 WRs on their teams), Knowshon and Jonathan Stewart (both figure to be a big part of their team’s running games and are nice keeper prospects to boot) – do you wish you could have a mulligan on this one?

What more can I say – another “Rudi Johnson” moment for me. The problem was Torey and Jerome made their picks so quickly I didn’t have time to catch my breath. People usually take five minutes in those rounds but again that is no excuse. My FF website had Coles rated as a sleeper just like they did with Rudi. In one of my other 12 team leagues Coles did not go until the middle of the 9th round – again, I totally dropped the ball on this and need to stop going for reaches. Next year I am drafting best pick available regardless of position – something the Lions started doing this year compared to the Millen years.

Q: Sticking with the 2nd/3rd round – Witten in the 2nd was a good pick, and there is no fault in locking up the potential #1 TE. I actually think Witten will benefit more from TO moving to Buffalo than Roy Williams will. However, now that the dust has settled and you look at a WR corp of Coles (nuff said), Holmes (big name after the Super Bowl, but overrated), Walter (very solid #3), Driver (another good #3), Steve Smith (someone has to emerge for the NYG, but I don’t think it’s him) and Gage (another solid pick), your WR seem to be your team’s weak spot. Any regret going TE so early and passing up a chance to pair Coles with someone like Roy or Vinny Jackson, especially given the deep TE pool this year? You couldn’t have known it at the time, but look how far Tony Gonzo fell – 2nd pick of the 5th round.

I have no regrets taking Witten where I did – he was #1 on my TE list and rated higher than Jackson and Williams. I think with TO leaving Witten will be better than Gates and Gonzalez this year. My WR’s do worry me a lot but hopefully Holmes has a good regular season and Carson Palmer regains his touch and Coles fits in to the offense. With TJ leaving, I think Coles has a chances – again I definitely took him too early and that will not happen in 2010.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Like I said last year I’d pick Coles (as I did Rudi). I think Larry Johnson was a reach by Walker. LJ has been injury prone and has not been the same dominant RB like he was a few years ago. I certainly hope Pierre Thomas (EP: think he means Jamaal Charles) continues his second half performance and makes his mark in the KC offense.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy as usual – taking McNabb late in the 3rd round.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy – I thought he had the best team last year too. (EP: I think he means the 4th-best team)

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Badics – he has yet to make the playoffs and that has a lot to do with his drafts.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy – he got great value picking up TJ, Bowe and McNabb where he did. Eddie Royal was another good pick in the 5th round.

Jerome
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You’ve missed the last 3 drafts... the fellas are clamoring for the return of the Payne Stewart getup. Are you ever going to make it to another draft?

I will make it again, just don't know when. Hopefully soon rather than later. I need to teach you family men how to booze again

Q: You drafted LT again, effectively keeping him off the market for the entire history of the 4th & 20 league and giving you a very solid top 3 RB – Chris Johnson, Grant, and LT. However, your depth pretty much stops there, as your backups consist of Fragile Fred and Tashard Choice, Dallas’ #3 RB behind Marion and Felix. Are you at all concerned about the drop-off between your starters and your backups?

Doesn't everybody's RB depth 'pretty much stop' after their top 3? I mean if there's quality depth after 3 RB's then you must not be starting the right RB's

Q: Your WR consist of Roy Williams, Hines Ward, Cotchery, Josh Morgan, and Troy Williamson. Roy is a mid-range #2 WR, Hines and Cotchery are #3s, and Morgan and Williamson are hope-they-break-it projects. You just missed on Fitzgerald in the 1st round. Any regret taking LT and passing on a true #1 WR like Steve Smith or Greg Jennings?

No regrets. I have faith in my top 3 RB alot more with LT there than I wouls have in my WR's if I drafted Steve Smith.

Eric
Team-Specific Questions (by Jeremy)
Q: It seemed going into the draft that there were two strategies for picking up a QB: get one early or wait until the mid-late rounds to pickup a "sleeper" type. You did neither by reaching for injury-prone Matt Schaub in the 5th round, then didn't draft a backup QB at all. How concerned are you with your QB position this year?

I'm definitely concerned. As you say, Schaub is pretty familiar with Houston's medical staff, and not backing him up was pretty dumb. There are some regrets where I took him - I could have easily waited a set of rounds given that only 2 other teams had yet to draft a QB and taken what was left of the Schaub / Palmer / Ryan / Cutler tier, getting another nice RB prospect instead in the 5th. That said, I liked Schaub better than the rest, and wanted my pick of the litter. It was my intent to back him up with Palmer in the next go-around, giving me 2 top 12 QBs. But then something funny happened.

Palmer went before my next pick. No biggie - I recalibrated my plans to focus on Cutler. He went. Focused on Hasselbeck & Garrard for the next go-around. They went. Favre & Flacco were last resorts but went back-to-back before my pick in the 11th. I even considered Orton in the 13th, but he went that round. Each time I picked I felt like the value was at another position and decided to wait on a backup, only to see the guy I targeted go before my next pick. I honestly didn't count on the guys with the premium QBs (Brees, Manning, etc) backing them up.

I love my team's depth but am worried about the QB position. I'll try to land someone via waivers during the season and do a lot of praying for Schaub to stay healthy. If he can stay healthy, he is a top 6 QB. Houston is loaded on offense.

Q: You took Felix Jones in the 3rd round when Lendale White was available. Being that Felix is splitting carries with 2 other backs, somewhat of an injury concern and Lendale is a more proven back, do you wish that you would have taken White over Felix?

I regretted this one almost right after I made it. Passing on Lendale's 10+ TD potential was pretty ballsy, and I know Walker appreciated the unexpected windfall. A couple of things played into this decision, and looking back on it, I'm still happy. Would I have made the same move in a redraft? Not sure, but I think so.

I felt I really needed to come out of the first 4 rounds with a solid RB keeper. Going into the 2009 season, my keepers are a huge strength - I wouldn't get much argument calling S Jax and DeAng the top 2 keepers in the league this year. But next year both hit the FA market and I'm left scrambling for replacements.
The Cowboys have been pretty open about wanting to move Marion back to the closer role he performed so well back in 2006-2007. That opens up reps for somebody, and Felix is the obvious choice. Plus, the Cowboys are looking at Felix as their chief playmaker with the departure of TO, and are lining him up out wide and in the wildcat. He'll get 15+ touches a game, about the same as Lendale, but Felix is one of those rare talents who can score any time he touches the ball, whereas Lendale is really only lethal within the 5 or 10 yard line.
I liked Felix better as a keeper prospect than any of the rookie RBs, or Lendale.
I really don't see Tashard fitting into the picture all the much. Maybe he'll be the guy holding the Gatorade bottle for Felix.

Q: You usually wait a long time on TE, but you went a little earlier there this year with Cooley in the 6th. While Cooley is a nice TE, he only had 1 TD in Jim Zorn's offense and there were plenty of Tes available later in the draft. Do you regret this pick at all?

Not really. I really like Cooley this year. Say what you want about Zorn's offense, but Cooley still sent personal records in yards and receptions. I look at the fall down on TDs as a fluke thing and think Cooley has top 3 potential. I went into the draft hoping to get him right about where I did.

I did look at the TE depth before pulling the trigger - I would have been pretty happy with Zach Miller, Dustin Keller, or Carlson (who I ended up with anyway in the 12th). But the biggest decision for me was Cooley or Daniels (who I didn't expect to fall). In the end, I thought Cooley had better upside. At least one owner agreed with me - Walker, who cursed loudly and then took Daniels with the next pick.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Hands down, Coles to Liefer in the 3rd.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Lots of good picks to choose from - Zach Miller in the 9th, Avery (a #1 WR) in the 7th. also love Palmer & Ryan in the 7th - two guys who should finish in the top 12 at their position.

Overall I'd have to go with Garrard in the 10th. Think the does big things this year. As an aside - how can one owner have the biggest reach and the best value pick in the same year?

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I really like what Jeremy did with all his picks.. lots of young RB studs, a solid 1-2-3 WR group with Bowe, TJ, and Royal, and a top 5 QB with McNabb.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer. Aside from AP and some good value here and there, I don't like much about his team.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy, provided injuries and suspect trades don't bring his team down.

Craig
Team-Specific Questions
Q: The trade with Jeremy really bolstered your WR, giving you easily the top 1-2 WR punch in the league. However, the trade-off was a real drop-off at RB – your stable of runners includes Reggie Bush, Chris Wells, Jonathan Stewart, and Rashard Mendenhall. Most of these guys are really more #3 level RBs, with Reggie slightly above them. Any regrets trading away the picks, and with them, the ability to improve your backfield?

I actually thought that my rb's would end up being a lot worse off then what they ended. I feel like I have a lot of risk reward type players with my running backs. I also focused on drafting extra running backs hoping that some have potential to workout for me.... and besides that I have the league MVP Peyton Hillis.

Q: Sticking with the RB theme – you selected Beanie Wells in the first, essentially on the strength of one solid half of preseason action. While Wells is an attractive keeper prospect, you took him ahead of proven RB talent like Lynch, Thomas Jones, and Larry Johnson. What’s more – Wells had a history of being injured at OSU, something that has so far followed him to the pros. Beanie can be a boom prospect when he’s healthy, but given his history, this is a really risky pick. How concerned are you regarding your #2 RB?

Once again I think it is going to be a risk reward with Beanie. I didnt like Lynch becaues of his suspension. I feel that gives someone else the chance to prove themselves and take snaps away from Lynch when he returns. Thomas Jones has sucked for me in the past so I am scarred from taking him. I also feel there are to many questions around KC and LJ (offensive line, seems to be on the decline, and also now the Cassell injury). I felt Beanie is on a team that is coming off the superbowl so he should have a good supporting cast.

Q: You selected Greg Olsen as your TE, a popular sleeper selected given the addition of Cutler to the Bears. Olsen went as the 4th overall TE, ahead of proven veterans like Cooley and Owen Daniels. Do you feel like you reached a bit for Olsen, or do you really expect him to perform above those other TEs?

I think that Olsen will be a top 2-3 TE this year. He will be the Bears #1 receiver given there average to below average receivers. Cutler has connected with TE's in the past and I am hoping Olson will be that TE/WR Cutler goes to. Sadly I also wanted a Bear on my team because the Bears are the local game every week here. So if I have to watch it at least I have a player to see. Probably not the best reason, but I think he was the best option.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer 3rd round Lavernaus Coles

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I like Twigs pick of Hasselbeck in the 10th. I could see him having a big year.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I actually think we all had pretty good drafts this year. Just by looking I like Torey's team. He has a lot of the guys I was targeting and got some value picks at the end (Buckhalter).

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

I guess Bud, has some questions at RB.... Ben Jarvis Green Ellis, Lynch, Mccoy, Mcgahee.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

I am going with Dustin.... Like Forte, Brees, Westbrook, and Ocho

Walker
Team-Specific Questions
Q: Steve Smith really fell into your lap in the 1st round and was a great pick. However, you neglected to go back to WR until the 5th round, nabbing Derrick Mason. The rest of your WR corp includes Steve Breaston, Chris Chambers and Miles Austin. There seems to be a gap between Smith (an elite, #1 WR) and the rest – a mixed bag of #3-level WRs. You ended up going RB/RB/RB in the 2nd-4th rounds. Any regrets passing on guys like Berrian, Anthony Gonzalez, Braylon Edwards, and DeSean Jackson, who all in the 4th round?

I am definitely second guessing my decision to not grab a receiver in the 4th round, but honestely, I could not pass up on Lendale and his 10td potential (15tds last year). I went with who I thought was the best available and feel good about the decision. Plus, I believe Derrick Mason, who I grabbed later could outscore all the for mentioned receivers on your list. He is a true #1 receiver - his team will pass more this year - 1000yds and 5tds last year.

Q: You backed up Rivers with Favre, who comes into this year with a number of question marks – age, health, run-first offense – not to mention his propensity to throw picks. Any concerns should Rivers go down?

I feel great about Favre as my backup. I thought getting him in the 13th round was a great value pick. He plays for a dynamic offense and should see huge throwing lanes. He definitely has some concerns, but the risk is worth the reward.

Q: You took James Davis in the 9th round, who at this point is firmly behind Jamal Lewis as Cleveland’s #2 RB. This seems like a bit of a reach considering guys like Tashard Choice and Shonn Greene were still on the board. Do you expect Davis to supplant Lewis as the #1 RB in Cleveland?

Absolutely, a great pick in my opinion - whatever that is worth. He is the #2 back behind a dying Jamal Lewis. He will definitely share carries, and could become the starter this season. Your above mentioned running backs are not even close to the same situation, as they are both #3 running backs. Greene is behind TJones and Washington, and Choice is behind the beast Barber and the new burner felix. For this season, Davis will dominate those guys. Davis is the future in Cleveland.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

LColes in 4th round (Leifer)

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Eddie Royal in 8th round (JPierce)

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Brown Sharks (Eric)

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

HGH (Bad draft, but solid keepers / rbs) (Jerome)

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Old NO.7 (Dustin)

Twig
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You settled on Willie Parker as your #3 RB, a good value where you took him. However, how concerned are you with the looming presence of Mendenhall, who figures to get his share of carries, including most if not all of the goal line looks?

I really did not want Willy Parker, not just because of Mendenhall but because I had him last year. At the time he was the best RB on my board and best value overall. I can always hope Mendenhall gets injured for the season early again right?

Q: You seemed to have an anti-handcuff policy in effect at the draft, passing on Mendenhall in the 6th in favor of Lance Moore, and Ricky Williams in the 9th for Minnesota’s D. Given the injury history of Parker & Ronnie, do you have any morning-after misgivings about failing to lock down their respective backfields?

I told myself going in I would not look at any handcuffs – strangely I took Morris Morris real late the worst of the bunch…I must have been drunk by then.

Q: Roethlisberger in the 5th round was a pretty decent reach, especially considering the other QB talent available at the time – Schaub, Ryan, Cutler, Palmer. Big Ben has had one statistically significant season, back in 2007 when he threw for 31 TDs. Other than that one blip, he has been in the mid to high teens on TDs for his career. Are you convinced he will once again ascend to those heights in 2009?

I’m not a fan of that pick either but going in I did little to prepare and told myself take the best value on my board. At this pick the only person ahead of big ben on the top 100 was cutler and really didn’t want him. I blame the fftoolbox.com top 100 board.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer- Laveraues Coles in the 5th

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Charles – Braylon in the 4th

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Eric

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Jerome

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Eric

Badics
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You went into the draft with a solid #1 WR (Wayne), but waited until the 4th round to pair him up with another WR (Braylon). This is a great value if hes vintage 2007, but the cards seem stacked against him going into 2009 uncertainty at QB, new coach Mangini favors the run, and a brutal schedule. Do you expect Braylon to rise above these circumstances and latch onto another big season in his contract year, or will he let his opportunity bounce off his hands like so many passes in 2008?

I knew I needed a WR and I wanted a big time producer. And he was really the last of the WRs on the board with big time potential. I think the Browns QB situation will be better than it was last year. I was really hoping Bernard Berrian would slip to this spot. But I still like Braylon over DeSean Jackson and the two Steelers wide receivers.

Q: Devin Hester has been a popular sleeper selection the past 2-3 years in fantasy circles. In 2009 his promise may finally be delivered on via Cutlers golden cannon. That said, hes still relatively unproven, and felt like a reach when he went off the board in the 5th. What are your expectations for Hester, and are you feeling any doubt about having him as your #3 WR?

I’ve been a big believer in Cutler since his days at Vanderbilt. There’s no doubt in my mind that Cutler is going to have a lot of yards and TD’s. Somebody is going to be the recipient of all of those receptions. Remember that it usually takes NFL wide receivers 2-3 years to put it all together. I think this will be a breakout year for Hester as a WR.

Q: Sticking with WR - how do you feel about the group you have overall? Looking down the list after Wayne, there are a lot of question marks Braylon (can he get past the dropsies and suspect QB play); Hester (will his route-running in the 3rd season of this experiment); Holt (he looked like a husk the last year in St Louis - does he have anything left); Nate Washington (couldnt get past Ward or Holmes on the Pittsburgh depth chart, will his fortunes improve in the run-first Tennessee offense); and Sidney Rice (lots of potential, but always injured... Percy will push him for PT).

The fact of the matter is that I have 1 sure thing (Reggie Wayne) and four other #1 Wide Receivers

Braylon – one of the most talented WR in the league coming off a down year
Devin Hester – it always takes NFL WR’s a couple years to start producing big time numbers.
Torry Holt – a proven producer and a huge upgrade to the WRs in Jacksonville last year.
Nate Washington – a big upgrade to the WR situation in Tennessee. Poised to have a breakout year.

All I need is for one or two of these guys is going to put it together and have a 1000\8TD season. The fact is that they’re all going to get balls thrown their way.

I start three running backs (Gore, Portis, TJones) so I really only need one of these guys to pan out. I love my group and I betcha that by midseason I’m going to have some desirable WR trade bait.

Draft Questions
Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Laveranues Coles. The number two WR on a team that was horrible last year. Playing with a new QB you never know if they’re going to jell.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Bernard Berrian in the 4th. We know that Favre is going to put up big yards and TD numbers and Berrian’s gonna be the guy. Excellent value.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

E Pierce

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer – very weak at WR

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Walker

Wes
Team-Specific Questions
Q: You nabbed TO in the 2nd round, getting good value for a borderline top 10 WR, but TO has been hobbled with a toe injury in the preseason, an injury that tends to linger (see McFadden, 2008). You waited until the 5th to get complementary receiver - Santana Moss, finishing by adding Ginn in the 8th and Nicks in the 11th. Are you at all concerned about your WRs going into the season?

Yes, wide receiver is a big concern for me. I was going for best available players and value thru the draft, and receivers did not fall into place the way I would have liked.

Q: You elected to keep Brady, a wise choice, but did not make landing a backup a priority, going through almost the entire draft before landing Pennington in the last round. Given all the proven names going in the late rounds - Hasselbeck in the 10th, Eli in the 11th, Favre in the 11th - do you have any regrets about waiting so long to backup Brady?

I was hoping to nab a higher quality backup, but I don't regret it yet. Can I get burned by Brady two years in a row? We shall see. - I'll be honest, that pick was about the time I checked out and started filling out my team. There were about 3 or 4 picks in that area that I wouldn't mind doing over.

Q: You took Winslow in the 6th round, a good spot for a TE but perhaps a reach for that particular one. The Soldier has taken his share of bullets over the years, getting shrapnel removed from his knees this offseason yet again. And in the run-first Tampa offense, he'll be asked to block more. Any regrets taking him where you did, considering comparable guys went quite a bit later - Shockey in 8th, Miller in 9th, Carlson in 12th?

Eric: Wes had no answer for this... stymied.

2008 Post Draft Surveys

2008-09-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

The 2008 draft is in the books. For those of us present at the draft, there can be no question it will live as the most memorable draft yet, what with the plush leather chairs, plasma TV mounted over the fireplace, and the pitchers of free beer. For the rest of you slackers - get your priorities in order.

As last year, I am sending a series of questions to each of the teams to gather their thoughts on the draft - their team, as well as best & worst of the draft. The Drafts page on 4thand20.com has been updated with the draft results for your reference.

Without further ado...

Jeremy

Team-Specific Questions

Q: Okay, you knew this one was coming. You took Darren McFadden #1 overall. While there can be no doubt that Run DMC is an intriguing prospect, the pick seemed a bit like a reach. Was this a matter of lining up a potential keeper for 2009 (and beyond)? Are you concerned about McFadden getting enough touches to warrant the early selection?

Haha, I did know this one was coming. First of all, the RB pool was VERY thin this year, which made me realize that if I didn't take a RB at # 1, I wouldn't be getting someone that I felt comfortable starting at the flex spot. On top of that, I AM losing Portis & Barber next year, so lining up a nice RB keeper prospect was a small consideration with this pick. But, the main reason that I took McFadden there is because I thought there were going to be a few guys in the top 2 tiers of WRs still there for my 2nd & 3rd picks... which I was right about. I thought the difference between what Moss & Owens will finish the year with and what Boldin & CJ will finish with was marginal enough to warrant taking McFadden at # 1. Oh yea, I think McFadden will be a stud RB too!

Q: What is it with the young guys? Calvin Johnson with your 2nd pick? Megatron is a beast, and while Roy Williams may have made the same selection, you took CJ when there were bonafide, proven, WR studs - guys like Brandon Marshall, Plaxico Burress, and Chad Johnson. Any concern with spending such an early pick on a guy still relatively unproven, and who likely will split looks 50-50 with Roy?

As anyone who watched the Lions first 2 preseason games can attest to, Megatron has looked like a man amongst boys so far this year. I really liked CJ this year and had him as a top 15 WR before seeing him play, and the preseason games vaulted him into my top 10 available WRs. It was tough to pass on Ocho and Marshall, but knowing that Chad had a shoulder injury (that turned out worse than previously reported) and Marshall will miss 2-3 games because of a suspension, you really can't consider any of those guys non-risk picks (Plax was not available, C Walk selected him 2 picks earlier). I just picked the guy I liked the most (and the one I will be able to watch every week.... yes, I am drinking the Lions koolaid!)

I am not too concerned with CJ splitting looks with Roy, mainly because the 150+ passes that went to Shaun McDonald & Mike Furrey last year will be divided between Roy & CJ.

Q: Your overall strategy seemed predicated on bust or boom. Guys like McFadden, Calvin, and your two-headed QB monster of Culter & Garrard. Any concerns that you went all-in on a roster of young, unproven, guys?

Yea, I was talking to Craig about this strategy after (and kind of regretting it), but he mentioned that its a typical draft for me, which I have to agree with. My style is always to swing for the fences, hopefully this is finally the year I knock one out of the park (yes, that was a pretty lame analogy)

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I'd like to call out the dude that took a kicker in the 7th round, but Rudi Johnson in the 2nd round was worse IMO. This is Liefers # 2 RB, and was a pick he couldn't afford to whiff on

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Devin Hester by Craig in the 12th round. He is their # 1 WR, and even if their passing game sucks, he is guaranteed to get some looks. Add to that the 3-4 return TDs he is likely to get, and Hester could provide a nice return for Craig, especially for a 12th round pick

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Walker, got 3 stud WR to begin with and then filled out his RB roster from there. Don't agree with waiting so long on TE, but he got a # of high upside backup RBs who could either be trade bait or studs if a starter goes down.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Dustin - it's hard to call out the defending champ, but he took a kicker in the 7th ROUND (could have drafted him in the 15th)!!! That alone makes it the worst draft

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Eric - Hands down the best 2 keepers, coupled with a stud QB & WR, along with some great value picks in Selvin Young & DeAngelo Williams. Waited too long on TE and I dont like the # 2 WR, but if either Young or DeAngelo blow up, he could trade one and get a solid TE and the WR2.

Wes

Team-Specific Questions

Q: Outside of Steve Smith, you elected to go with a relatively young, unproven bunch at WR - guys like Dwayne Bowe, Ted Ginn Jr., and James Hardy. In general, even the best WRs take until their 3rd year to get to a point where they really produce (Braylon in 2007, for example). Do you expect these guys to beat that trend, or was this a case of drafting based on pure potential?

Bowe established himself as at least a dependable #2 (995 yds, 5 TDs), and I expect him to improve on those numbers somewhat. Ginn has the potential to break out in his second year; Hardy was just a flier.

Q: Sticking with the WRs - you took Ginn in the 6th round. Though he seems to have a lock on the #1 WR position down in Miami, the Dolphins are not expected to be the most explosive of offenses. In particular, it will be interesting to see how Ginn's strengths (stretching the field on long balls) matchup with Pennington's (short, accurate throws, but no deep ball). Considering this, any regret with taking Ginn when other proven WR options (Bernard Berrian, Patrick Crayton, or Derrick Mason) were there?

You know, I am a fan of Berrian. I like Ginn's potential in his second year, though, especially considering his QB situation improved (even though Pennington doesn't have a strong arm, as you mentioned) and they also use him as a return man.

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I'm torn between Forte in the 4th and Slaton in the 7th. Or Devin Thomas in the 8th (sorry Jerad).

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Cotchery in the 15th. How did that happen? Too much free draft beer.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I like the Meins. Let's see who he trades away this year!

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

The defending champs look a little rough. That's two years in a row I picked them. Repeat? God I hope not.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Gotta go with the Meins.

Liefer

Team-Specific Questions

Q: You were the only team to start without at least one RB as a keeper. You started the draft RB-RB, but surprisingly didn't go back there until the 6th, getting Rashard Mendenhall. Adding more fuel to the fire, your 2nd rounder was Rudi Johnson, who isn't projected to be the starter in Cincy, and even worse, may fall to 3rd on the depth chart. Any regrets with not focusing more on RBs in the early going?

Taking Thomas Jones was a no brainer with my first pick but after that I made if not the worst draft decision ever – taking Rudi Johnson. I was contemplating between him, Kevin Smith and Jonathan Stewart. After the first two rounds, there were literally no starters left but a plethora of wide receivers which helped me to a third place finish last season.

Q: Lots of rumbling coming out of Indy regarding the health of Peyton Manning's knee. Reports from camp talk about him limping around, and the possibility of missing Week 1 (at least) is very real. Considering this, are you concerned that you didn't move to back him up earlier in the draft? Or that when you did get a backup, you got a guy coming off a season-ending injury in Jake Delhomme?

Having Manning as my keeper, my draft plan was to take a backup very late which has a lot of upside. Delhomme, who I took last year, is in my eyes a real sleeper. Yes, he’s coming off a season-ending injury but if he stays healthy could easily be a top 10 QB. I had him slotted higher on my draft board compared to where I took him.

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Rudi Johnson (if I could pick my own) but I’ll go with Ronnie Brown

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Chris Perry (6^th round)

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy Pierce

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Badics

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy Pierce

Eric

Team-Specific Questions

Q: You strayed from your normal draft strategy by drafting Romo in the 2nd round... which resulted in you not locking up your # 2 WR until the 5th and left you with a rotating trio of Chambers/Galloway/A. Gonzalez for your WR2 . Are you regretting waiting so long for your # 2 and having to choose between the matchups every week? You know this will lead to some self-ass-kicking & queasiness when you start the wrong guy... better stock up on the Tums!

This is indeed my biggest regret. My normal strategy is to wait on QB. I had even known that Romo would be there for me, and had elected to pass for someone like Cutler or Garrard later. My plan had actually been to matchup Fitz & Colston with S Jax & AP, giving me the best RB & WR duos in the league. Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, I went for the guy who was rated best. Part of that was I thought I could get good WR later on.

I did have a shot at some nice #2 WR in rounds 3-4, but again elected to go for best value, adding DeAngelo & Selvin. Part of it was not being able to pass on the value at the time, part was locking up my #3 RB spot. And part of it was that I thought a solid #2 WR would still fall. I thought I might get a shot at someone like Dwayne Bowe or Hines Ward. Unfortunately, Ward went literally right before my 5th round pick.

Nervous? You bet. But, I feel like someone will emerge from my platoon of #3 WRs to be a solid #2. Early money is on Galloway, but I think Chambers has more upside. A. Gonzo is a nice dark horse, someone who could be big if Marv doesn't return to form. But, I can't feel too bad about locking up the consensus #2 QB at what amounts to the 38th pick (with keepers). And now that I landed Warner on waivers, I feel great about my QBs.

Q: You waited even longer for your TE (10th round, when you locked up Owen Daniels). You then picked McMichael to end the draft, which was a nice pick, but do you have any regrets not drafting TE sooner? Kellen Winslow was available with your 4th pick, but you elected to take a guy that will sit your bench instead (Selvin Young, your 4th RB), why?

Not really. TE was really deep this year, and at the end of the draft, there were still some TEs I liked - Kevin Boss, Zach Miller, Dustin Keller. I really liked McMichael going into the draft and wanted to target him late - Al Saunders has a history of producing top 5 TE numbers - 6 years running (Gonzo, then Cooley). And now Saunders is in St Louis, paired up with the talented McMichael. While I don't expect McMichael to have Gonzo numbers (80 rec, 1000 yds), I think he can approach Cooley production and finish with 500-600 yds and 5-7 TDs.

For one, Bulger is a better QB than Campbell. And I would actually say that Washington's WR corp is better than St Louis, overall this year, which should mean more looks for the TE. Sure, Holt is the top guy, but it's a sharp drop-off after him (Bennett? puleaze).

Owens was an insurance pick, someone that should be a top 10-12 TE. But I'm really hoping McMichael comes through.

No regret on the Selvin pick - he was best value by far at that pick. Plus, I would have gone with another WR before addressing TE anyway.

Q: Last year you drafted Chester Taylor in the 3rd round because you were worried about AD... this year you didnt draft Taylor at all, even though he would have been a steal with your 6th round pick. Given AD's past injury history (hasnt played a full season at any level since 2004), do you regret taking Galloway over Chester the Molester?

It's a whole new year. Last season, I had to insure the expensive rookie (my 2nd round pick), as he was still unproven at the NFL level. But this year, we know what AP is all about. Sure, there are injury concerns. But I decided that, rather than go the handcuff route, I would take guys that are going to get looks regardless. Once I got both DeAngelo & Selvin, I wasn't concerned about Chester. Sure, Chester will still get some action, but not enough to ever start him if All-Day is fine. So he is just a waste of bench space, in my opinion.

That said, if he would have been there in the 7th/8th round, I would have taken him for sure. But 5th/6th? Nah - especially when I still needed WR help.

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer's selection of Rudi Johnson in the 2nd. It was circulating before the draft that Rudi was essentially out of the rotation for starting RB. And since then, he was actually cut (ouch). Now he's in Detroit, which improves his value a bit. But still... ouch.

Dustin had a couple of real stinkers too - Eli in the 6th (he already had Brees) and his kicker in the 7th. Both picks were taken before he locked up his #2 WR.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Liked the Devin Hester pick for the potential. Chris Perry in the 6th - a starting RB going that late in this league? Unheard of. Sticking to the Cincy backfield, I also liked Kenny Watson in the 8th - I think he'll figure into the equation and is a nice #3 RB option. I'll toss Dustin a bone too – liked where he got Ricky Williams (last pick of 5^th).

Overall though, I would say Twig getting Bryant Johnson in the 11th. Johnson is the #1 WR in San Fran, and is now playing in the Martz offense. He is talented for sure, was just buried behind Boldin & Fitz in Arizona. Great pick.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy. He's got 3 top 20 RBs, 3 (likely) top 20 WR, a top 5 TE, and a pair of nice break-out QB candidates. Also got nice value late with RB depth and his DEF. Walker is right there too, and definitely has some big names on his team. But there are enough question marks already (Ocho's shoulder, Hasselbeck's back) to bump him down below Jeremy.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Dustin (I also said this last year, and he went on to win..)

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Provided he can keep them healthy, I'd say Jeremy.

Badics

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Jeremy with McFadden #1

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Felix Jones to Craig in the 6th round

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Craig

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Dustin

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Jerome

Walker

Team-Specific Questions

Q: You really flipped the script, going WR-WR-WR the first 3 rounds, amassing the best WR group in the league (TO, Plax, Ocho). However, after the 3rd round, you never drafted another WR. Considering that Ocho is hurt and Plax is an injury concern, how concerned are you about your lack of depth at WR?

First, Plax always has small injuries, but never misses games. 2nd, Ocho is a man, will wear an arm sling and play, and is worth the risk at that draft position. I plan on picking up another receiver if needed, as receivers are deep with a bunch still available via free agency.

Q: You were the last team to select a TE and ended up with Alge Crumpler. Alge has a history of producing with scrambling quarterbacks, so should rebound from a rough 2007. Was it your intent to wait so long on TE, or did the draft get away from you?

I definitely wanted to wait, but it was surprise to see the tight end position go so early in our draft. After missing out on the top 5, I figured there was not much difference from the rest of the group.

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Twig with McNabb in the 3rd round. What is the old saying, "risk and reward"!!!!! When healthy for a full season, he could be a top 5 quarter back, but at the same time, he has some weak receivers and could be a bust.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Tie!! Bud taking Chris Perry in the 6th. Could be the starter for the Bengals. Twig taking Bryant Johnson in the 11th round. Could be the number receiver for a team that could throw a ton. Remember, he is a former first round pick that was stuck behind two studs in Arizona.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

JPierce. Dang, I can't pick my own team.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Dustin! This was not even close.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

JPierce

Bud

Team-Specific Questions

Q: You started the draft with two solid RBs - Larry Johnson and Brandon Jacobs (your keepers). Both are considered injury risks. Despite that, and your long-storied tradition of drafting RBs, you did not address the position until the 5th-6th round, when you selected Steve Slaton & Chris Perry. Both have looked good in the preseason, but are you considered at all about passing on RBs for so long?

This league is very predicated on running backs. I felt going in that I wasn't going to draft a running back until later in the draft and grab a couple guys with upside.

Q: Your WR are solid (R Moss, Marshall, Harrison), but who do you have throwing the ball to them? Bulger will surely have a better year than his injury-shortened 2007 campaign, but consider this - not only has he lost 2 of his offensive lineman already, but he is learning a new offense, one that is heavily predicated on running the football. You backed up Bulger with Vince Young (ouch). Concerned?

I think Bulger can carry this team as long as he stays healthy. Plays in a dome in a weak conference. Also, Vince Young I had a little bit higher on the board for this league with the chance he could put together some valuable running stats in a spot start. These are two guys that would have been gone by the 4th and 6th rounds last year.

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I really can't say that any running back is a reach because really they all are. And the people that weren't there can be ruled out because they went off a list. So, I'll go Devin Thomas in round 6. I think he is 4th on the depth chart.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Best value was Brady. Experts had him 2 or 3 and our league he went 31.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I'll give Eric a pretty good draft actually. Getting two starting running backs after Fitzgerald and Romo is good. I could say Torey but this list thing weakens it a little.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Sorry twig - worst draft. I think this was self caused with "no love" for anyone after Ted Ginn jr.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Love where Charles or Pierce started here. They each could have had bad drafts and still let their keepers lead them into the playoffs.

Twig

Team-Specific Questions

Q: You went TE early in the draft (round 5), nabbing Tony Scheffler at the end of a run on TEs. The next TE taken was Heath Miller in the 8th. In retrospect, do you feel you could have waited on Scheffler given he is not a top-tier TE? Or do you expect him to produce top 5 numbers at his position?

Scheffler was the guy I wanted going in and I prolly went a little high for him.

Q: You selected Devin Thomas in the 6th. The rookie is banged up and expected to miss a few weeks, and once he's back, he'll need to push Santana Moss and Antwaan Randle El for playing time. Are you expecting big things from the MSU rookie or was this a reach?

After Wes took Ginn I was off my game and I have no real answer for this pick, I expect him to be a good NFL receiver but...?

Draft Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Jerome's Kevin Curtis Pick (but that's hard since he was not there, but it was his ranked board).

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Buds Chris Perry in the 6th

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Buds

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Liefer

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Charles

Craig

Team-Specific Questions

Q: After addressing your RB in the 1st round with Reggie Bush, you didn't go back there again until round 5, nabbing Ray Rice. Considering that Rice is essentially your must-have handcuff for McGahee, that leaves your top 3 RB as McGahee/Rice, Bush, and Felix Jones. How concerned are you with your RB depth, and any regrets on not addressing that position earlier in the draft?

I am not overly concerned with my depth. I really didn't want Reggie Bush but I felt there was a drop off between him and the next RB available so thought I had to take him. The way I look at it I will have Baltimores starter (unless Mcgahee and Rice get hurt). I also feel between Deuce and Bush I will have a starter and maybe a flex player. Felix Jones also has potential.

Q: How concerned are you with your depth at WR? Andre Johnson has yet to play all 16 games in a season. Backing up your dynamic duo of Welker & Johnson is a motley bunch - Vincent Jackson (physical beast, but unproven), Donte' Stallworth (perennial disappointment), Devin Hester (expecting big things, but Chi-town QB situation is flaky,) and Justin Gage (#1 receiver on a run-first and dink-and-dunk team). Of them all, Hester seems the best bet, but could just as easily be a whiff. Your thoughts?

WR I am a little more worried about and is the reason I couldnt make the Westbrook trade. Going into the draft I saw my keeper (Welker) as a #2 receiver so I was happy to get Andre Johnson (a #1). Later in the draft I went for a lot of WR hoping one pans out. I also decided to go with a better TE then in the past hoping to offset the WR position.

League Questions

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Rudi Johnson

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Chester Taylor Rd 8

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Bud

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Dustin (kicker and Forter in 1st)

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Bud

Honoring the 2007 Champion

2008-07-28T07:24:00.001-07:00

In Hollywood, they honor their best, not with Oscars or other awards. No, only the best go through the time-honored tradition of getting roasted. Indeed, it's considered an honor to be roasted.

If it works for them…

Dustin, I hope you're sitting down. And not just because Walker is sneaking up behind you with the Vaseline and that pink-stained towel.

Dustin's 2007 season reminds me of a romantic comedy. You know the kind – a frumpy girl whose beauty is hidden behind big glasses, a dude finally sees the true beauty in her. They hook up. Dude discovers she's, also, a dude.

Yep. Dustin's season reminds me of The Crying Game.

If you look at the record (8-5), pts scored (2nd overall) the championship – sure, it all looks great. I'd want to tap that too. But Dustin has a dark and dirty secret. His team sucks.

Take a look at his final, "Championship-winning", roster.

Player Name	NFL Team	Position
Adam Vinatieri	IND	K
Ahman Green	HOU	RB
Antonio Gates	SD	TE
Braylon Edwards	CLE	WR
Brian Westbrook	PHI	RB
Devin Hester	CHI	WR
Donte' Stallworth	NE	WR
Drew Brees	NO	QB
Greg Jennings	GB	WR
Julius Jones	DAL	RB
Leon Washington	NYJ	RB
New Orleans	NO	DEF
Santonio Holmes	PIT	WR
Vince Young	TEN	QB
Washington	WAS	DEF

He's got two guys on IR (Green & Fargas). His #2 running back is Leon Washington. And he somehow missed the memo that the Bears had given up on the Devin Hester experiment.

How did this yahoo win the championship? And more importantly, how can we prevent this travesty from happening again? Let's explore, by going back to the beginning.

Coming into the 2007 season, no one gave Dustin's Old No.7 a chance. If I had to bet, I would have put money on Jerome's squad over Dustin's, and Jerome team was drafted by a bunch of half-drunk dudes who wanted him to end up with a shitty team (which he did).

After all, Dustin didn't exactly have a history of fantasy football dominance. He had the worst winning percentage in the history of the 4th and 20 league (.300) after going 4-9 in 2006 and 2-11 in the inaugural season.

The cards were stacked against Dustin. Craig had even printed out 'Fire Dustin' shirts for everyone to wear at the 2008 draft.

This is the guy that drafted his kicker four rounds too soon. (By the way, if you're keeping score at home, Vinatieri finished as the 11th best Kicker in 2007).

I'm not saying his drafting skills are Millen-esque (hate him, but Millen would never pick a fantasy Kicker before the 14th round), although he did like drafting WRs in 2007. Seriously, take a look at Dustin's post-draft roster.

Player Name	NFL Team	Position
Adam Vinatieri	IND	K
Ahman Green	HOU	RB
Antonio Gates	SD	TE
Braylon Edwards	CLE	WR
Brian Westbrook	PHI	RB
Devery Henderson	NO	WR
Donte' Stallworth	NE	WR
Drew Brees	NO	QB
Hank Baskett	PHI	WR
Julius Jones	DAL	RB
Matt Leinart	ARI	QB
Najeh Davenport	PIT	RB
Randy McMichael	STL	TE
Santonio Holmes	PIT	WR
Ted Ginn Jr.	MIA	WR

Can someone tell me how this asshole won the Championship? Seriously - he's got 4 great players (Gates, Braylon, Westbrook, Brees) and a pile junk. Ted Ginn Jr? Really??

He was active on the waiver wire, I'll give him that, getting lucky with two pickups in particular – Greg Jennings (nice job, Jeremy) and Justin Fargas (my bad). So, basically, Dustin was just one lucky fucker.

(disclaimer – I would be remiss not to mention my own strike of luck last year. The Losman/R Wayne/A Peterson (the old, slow one) for Romo/Burress/Curry trade was an absolute gift. Turns out Jeremy drafted the best team and then traded and waived all his best players. Good looking out B.)

So, in closing, I'll say this to our new champion. We're onto your little formula for success. We're aware of how you lulled us into a false sense of comfort by drafting a really shitty team and then playing the waiver wire game. And we won't let it happen again.

Oh, and one other thing – I've seen The Crying Game, and I know where your mouth has been. Wash the trophy when you are done with it.

Headlines - Week 2 2007

2007-09-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Sharks Victorious
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 95, Old No. 7 80.47

New quarterback Tony Romo led the Sharks to another win, scoring 19.8 points and leaving the Sharks one of only 2 teams undefeated on the young season. LaMont Jordan also continued his resurgence, rushing for 159 yards on the day (15.9 pts). It was enough to overcome another off-day for stud running back Steven Jackson, who on the season has managed a meager 12.2 points.

"Yeah, I'm frustrated," Jackson said after the game. "But we're winning games, that's all that counts. I'll keep plugging away and will get over this hump."

The players in the Old No. 7 locker room were not noticeably upset after the loss, despite moving the franchise record to 6-22. "That's what we're good at," Julius Jones said. "Losing." Jones then called his travel agent to make vacation plans for early December.

At least one player hasn't given up yet on Old No. 7 owner Dustin, as Brian Westbrook led the team in tangibles (16.2 pts) and intangibles – heart, guts, and creaky knees.

***

Champs Rebound
Final Score: Tiorted Snoil 101.67, Meins 82.07

Jamal Lewis put his teammates on his back and carried them to victory, to the tune of 216 yards and a touchdown (27.6 pts), overcoming the Meins and putting the defending champs in the winning column.

"I just put myself back in jail," Lewis said about how he prepared mentally for the game. "I imagined I was in the shower, holding the soap, and all those sweaty men were chasing me again."

Meanwhile, the Meins lost what was a winnable game. Quarterback David Garrard, signed earlier in the week to backup the injured Eli Manning, had a great first game for the Meins, adding 16.07 points. And Clinton Portis had another solid game, proving that last week was no fluke by adding 13.6 points.
But for the second week in a row, Deuce McAllister was a no-show, tallying 3.6 points. And the Meins other 2 free-agent adds for the week, Mason Crosby and Eric Johnson, were unspectacular, combining for 6.8 points.

***

Pitbulls Devoured
Final Score: Midland Maulers 108.6, Vick's Pitbulls 63.83

The Midland Maulers came out hungry and went after Vick's Pitbulls like a Mississippi leg-hound to a bare leg, humping the Pitbulls into submission with a 45 point victory. QB Tom Brady and RB Marion Barber both tallied 21.5 points in the effort, leading all scorers in the game and powering the Maulers to their first victory of the season. The Maulers scored well on the day, despite a second consecutive sub-par performance by the team's primary RBs – Lawrence Maroney (7.7 pts) and Ronnie Brown (6.9 pts).

Meanwhile, LaDainian Tomlinson must be tiring of carrying the Pitbulls on his own, as he phoned in his performance, scoring a meager 5.8 points. QB Vince Young tried to make up the difference, having a solid game (16.43 points), but it was not enough to fill the vacuum.

The mood in the losing locker room was mutinous, and grumbling could be heard about Jerome's drafting skills, his taste in golf attire, and his preference for junk-holding, former Notre Dame quarterbacks.

***

Necrophiliacs Surprise Again
Final Score: BarbaroNecrophiliacs 105.77, hokay hoslap 78.4

(ghost-written by Badics)

The BarbaroNecrophiliacs had their way with the lifeless corpse of Hokay Hoslap. Hokay’s corpse was lying dead on the examining table in the morgue, and the Necrophiliacs did unspeakable things to the lifeless bag of bonez and blood.

Randy Moss continued his outstanding play noting, “I play hard when I want, which just so happens to be now.” Jonny Kitna turned in another solid performance, pinballing through the secondary on numerous plays and getting his bell rung numerous times. New addition Dallas Clark contributed a solid performance with 12.9 points. And the cornerstone of the team, Mr. Frank Gore, continued his solid play with 20.5 points. Gore had a tough week as his mother passed away; you’d be happy to know that the Necrophiliacs did not attempt any funny business with her.

Hokay had a tough week but were lead by Kellen Winslow (16 pts). The other standout was Neil Rackers who hoslapped the netting behind the field goal to the tune of 13 big points. LJ had his second tough week turning in only 8.7 points.

***

Chubby Squeaks Out Win
Final Score: Chubby's In 116.97, Craigulators 115.17

The game was going to end in a tie, but in true heart-breaking fashion, the Craigulators lose in the close-fought shoot-out.

"I accept full responsibility for the loss," quarterback Matt Hasselbeck said. Hasselbeck was sacked on the game's final play, resulting in a loss of 18 yards and breaking the tie. The loss overshadowed the stellar play of certain Craigulator's players, namely Chad Johnson (32.9 pts), Terrell Owens (16.2 pts), and Willis McGahee (16.3 pts).

Meanwhile, Chubby's In got 74% of their production from three players – Carson Palmer (401 yds, 6 TDs, 2 INTs – 38.37 pts), Steve Smith (153 yds, 3 TDs – 33.3 pts), and Joseph Addai (81 yds, 1 TD – 14.7 pts). Addai looked stellar for the second consecutive week, and Palmer had a career day as Chubby's In remained undefeated.

***

Nuts Swing into Action
Final Score: Dez Nuts 110.77, Bad Ideaz Kennels 108.1

Edgerrin James continued his resurgence, rushing for 128 yds and a TD (21 pts), and Willie Parker had his first big game of the year (126 yds, TD – 19.3 pts) to carry Dez Nuts to their first win on the season. Rookie WR Calvin "Megatron" Johnson had another solid game (12.8 pts), leading the team's WR in production. Is there more than meets the eye to Johnson? DNA tests are inconclusive.

Despite spectacular play by his WR – Andre Johnson (24 pts) and TJ Houshmandzadeh (18.9 pts) and an all-around solid effort by the team, Bad Ideaz lost their first game, dropping to 1-1.

"You gotta take it for what it is, a loss," Ideaz's QB Peyton Manning philosophized. "We played a good game, have some things to work on in practice this week, but the Nuts were a little bit better this week. Tip the hat to them."

Headlines - Week 1 2007

2007-09-12T20:44:00.000-07:00

Sharks Stomp Nuts
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 141.7, Dez Nuts 67.47

Much-hyped coming into the season, the Sharks' Steven Jackson decided to take the opening game off. Turns out, it didn't matter.

The Sharks put the lumber to Dez Nuts, coming out firing on (almost) all cylinders and pouring on the offensive fireworks. By themselves, the Sharks two leading scorers - QB Tony Romo (35.6 pts) and WR Plaxico Burress (32.4) - scored enough pts to overcome the Nuts. But there is no mercy rule in the cold and cruel world of fantasy football, and the Sharks didn't let up until the final buzzer. For at least one week, LaMont Jordan had a resurgence, looking like the Jordan of 2005 while adding 21.9 pts. And rookie Adrian Peterson, who some had questioned the wisdom of drafted so early, made a splash in his debut, leading all RBs with 22.3 fantasy pts.

Despite the utter brutality of the loss, Dez Nuts had a few bright spots, which they hope to build upon in their week 2 matchup with Liefer's Bad Ideas Kennels. QB Marc Bulger was solid, if not spectacular (12.37 pts), and Edgerrin James looked 3 years younger, running hard for 17.2 pts. WRs Larry Fitzgerald (2 pts) and Deion Branch (0 pts) were literal no-shows, and while they likely will produce in week 2, All-World rookie WR Calvin Johnson is waiting in the wings should GM Twig decide to make the switch.

Though he didn't produce anything on the field in the matchup, Steven Jackson had this to say afterwards. "This is a notice. A memo to the league. The Big Brown Sharks are back mutha-fuckers. Everyone is saying in the papers and to their mommas that we're not going to do anything this year, that after losing the '06 Championship, we are doomed to have a slump. Fuck that. We're taking this shit man."

***

Maulers Mauled, Meins Prevail

Final Score: Meins 110.5, Maulers 88.7

Coming into the 2007 season, the Meins squad had more questions then they did answers. Would main-stay Clinton Portis produce like the stud of old, or would he had another injury-riddled season? Did all the trades improve the team? And why did owner Jeremy drop the 'Main' from the Meins' team name?

For one week at least, the Meins put all but the latter question to rest, winning in impressive fashion against Torey's Maulers. Eli Manning had a spectacular game 27.6 pts, and was well on-pace to leading all scorers for the week before leaving in the 4th with a shoulder injury. Newcomer WR Reggie Wayne (21.5 pts) also had a career day, and Portis indeed looked like the stud of old, gaining 98 yds and adding a TD (15.8 pts) against a tough D.

The injury to Manning cast a shadow over the win, however. He is considered day-to-day with what officials are calling a partial separation of his throwing shoulder, but Eli himself fully expects to play in week 2. "I've been fully active with my right arm and have shown no discomfort. Brushed my teeth, unlocked my door, even had a vigorious mank-session. No pain or discomfort."

In the other locker room, the disappointment was tangible. QB Tom Brady had a stellar game, throwing for 297 yds and 3 TDs (25.3) , and rewarding owner Torey for the faith he had shown in keeping Brady over the much-hyped Brandon Jacobs. But aside from Marion Barber III (15.4 pts), no one really stepped up for the Maulers, and as a result, they start the season down 0-1.

Of particular concern for the Maulers is their running game, or lack thereof. Starting RBs Laurence Maroney and Ronnie Brown combined for a meager 104 yds on the ground, and both were kept out of the end zone. If the Maulers expect any chance of winning their week 2 matchup with Jerome's Vick's Pitbulls, Brown and Maroney need to produce.

***

Rough Start for Champs

Final Score: BarbaroNecrophiliacs 101.73, Tiorted Snoil 80.23

The honeymoon is over.

In their first action since they completed their Cinderella run in 2006, winning the Championship as the #6 seed, Walker's Tiorted Snoil played an unispired and sloppy game. It was enough to make one wonder if their gatorade bottles were filled with the remnnants of last year's champaign.

Last year's surprise sensation, Maurice Jones-Drew, was virtually non-existant (4 pts), joining mainstay Rudi Johnson (7.6 pts) and new back Jamal Lewis (2.6 pts) for an underwhelming backfield peformance. Laveranues Coles played a strong game (59 yds, 2 TDs for 17.9 pts), and the Defense was phenomenal (29 pts), but nobody else came to play.

Meanwhile, Badic's squad opened the '07 campaign strong, taking advantage of the reeling champs with a decisive victory. The frequently malcontent Randy Moss seemed content for this week at least, playing his strongest game in two years (24.3 pts). And despite Reggie Bush's absense (4.5 pts), the young backfield looks very strong - Frank Gore posted 13.6 pts, and rookie Marshawn Lynch added 15.9.

Walker's team will certainly improve, but one thing is certain - the BarbaroNecrophiliacs look to be strong contenders this year.

***

The Dynasty Begins?
Final Score: Craigulators 77.8, Hokay Hoslap 48.33

Craigulator's Owner Craig talked a lot about how this was going to be the year of the Craigulators. They made a lot of offseason moves and were going to turn things around. He even showed up on draft day wearing a shirt that proclaimed "The dynasty begins". And although they got the win this first week, it was evocative of the kinds of games the Craigulators have played the last 2 years: gouge-your-eyes-out ugly.

"We got the W, that is all that matters," Terrell Owens had to say afterwards. Part of a big off-season trade that sent additional picks to Jeremy's Meins, TO was spectacular in his Craigulators debute, hauling in 87 yards and 2 scores (20.7 pts). Asked about his feelings on the trade, TO was rather gracious about moving to a team that had perennially under-achieved. "Look, I told Jeremy, I said, 'look - nigga get me off this fuckin team before I blow a knee or some shit'. I mean, I love that cat, but he is like kryptonite to brothas."

The hokay squad was rather glum after the loss. In addition to starting the year 0-1, they also suffered injuries to 2 of their young up-and-coming RBs - Brandon Jacobs and Cadillac Williams. Of the two, Jacobs injury was the more concerning, and he could miss a month or more of playing time. Add in the merely mortal performance of Larry Johnson (8.7 pts) after a lengthy hold-out, and it could be a very long season for Bud's team.

***

New name, same results
Final Score: Chubby's In 94.37, Old No. 7 70.9

Despite high hopes heading into the season, Dustin's newly-christened Old No. 7 lose the opener. Worse than the loss is the sense of optimism that is already leaking out of the locker room like air from a punctured balloon. If the team doesn't get this ship turned around quickly, owner Dustin will have a mutinious team and fan base calling for blood.

"We're better than this," signal-caller Drew Brees said. "I'm better than this. We just need to put it all together and play a solid team game." Much of the blame for this loss can be laid at Captain Brees' feet, as he actually posted a negative score for the day (-1 pts).

Meanwhile, Wes' Chubby's In picked up where they left off last year, winning in convincing fashion and looking like a playoff team. Carson Palmer (16.47 pts) and Steve Smith (18 pts) were their usually productive selves, and super soph Joseph Addai looked like a top 3 RB, slashing and cutting his way to a team-high 20.3 pts on the day.

"They've been there, they've done it," Brees had to say about Chubby's team. "And it shows."

***

Bad Ideaz Great, Vick's Pitbulls Crushed
Final Score: Bad Ideaz Kennels 143.5, Vick's Pitbulls 93.47

The prognosticators might be right - Bad Ideaz Kennel, the preseason favorite, looks ready for another run at the title.

In convincing fashion, Liefer's Bad Ideaz opened the season with a 50-point win. There was no evidence of the maliase that brought down the '05 champ last year. RB Shaun Alexander appears to be back to full health, as he tallied 17.7 pts. Peyton Manning (24.6 pts), Andre Johnson (18.2 pts), Travis Henry (18.3 pts), and Jason Witten (17.6 pts) also contributed with impressive games.

On the other hand, Jerome's squad continued to rely primarily on All-World LaDanian Tomlinson, who scored 19.17 pts in the losing effort. Torry Holt (13.3 pts) and Tatum Bell (15.3 pts) also produced, but in this game at least, LT could not do it on his own.

2007 Post Draft Surveys

2007-09-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

The 2007 draft is in the books. As a way of harnessing the excitement from the draft (and to pass the time until the 2007 NFL season kicks-off), I sent a series of questions to each of the franchise owners to gather their thoughts on the draft - their team, as well as best & worst of the draft. Results are below.

Also - the Drafts page has been updated with the full 2007 draft results; hit the link above to review/refresh yourself on the carnage.

Lastly - hit the forums and talk trash about the draft while the wounds are still fresh.

Post-Draft Survey: Overall Results

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Adam Vinatieri, with 3 votes. All other selections received 1 vote.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? A tie, between Greg Jennings (2 votes) and Warrick Dunn (2 votes). Both were drafted by Badics, however, he didn't not win the best draft award....

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Another tie, between Bud (3 votes) and Jeremy (3 votes).

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? It's a tie, between Jerome and Dustin (3 votes each).

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?
With 4 votes, the preseason favorite to win the 2007 4th and 20 League is..... Liefer. In addition to his 2 stud RB keepers (Shaun Alexander and Travis Henry), in the draft he added the best QB (Peyton Manning), a solid stable of receivers (Andre Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Joey Galloway) and a top TE (Witten). He also has a solid bench - DeShaun Foster, Mark Clayton, Joe Horn, etc.

Runners-up: Bud: 2, Jeremy: 1, Craig: 1, Walker: 1

Team-Specific Results Badics:

Q: During the course of the draft, you traded Deuce and Greg Jennings (an absolute steal in the 11th) for Marshawn Lynch and a 13th round pick, which you used to draft JJ Arrington. Considering that Arrington has little value playing behind Edge and Shipp, this trade was essentially Deuce and Jennings for Lynch. Do you expect Lynch to produce that well, or are you expecting down years for Deuce and Jennings ?

Deuce is not eligible to be a keeper so I'm trading 1 year of Deuce for Lynch. I needed to diversify my team (with 3 Saints) and to get a quality running back and a potential keeper was a great deal for me.

Q: Overall, you had some of the best value picks in the draft (Dunn, Kitna, Jennings), but you seemed to lose focus at the end, wrapping up with Antwaan Randle El, JJ Arrington, and Priest Holmes, and you didn't make your last pick at all. What happened? Fatigue, alcohol, etc?

I didn't make my last pick basically because Jeremy said I already had 16 players as a result of the trade. Looking back I probably should have picked another player…whatever. Yes I took some huge reaches. My draft strategy has always been the same: go for the home run. Take a little bit of a reach hoping for huge rewards (Arrington being a first round draft pick, Deuce being a fantasy HOF and….ok Randel El was a bad pick).

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Dwayne Bowe to Wes in the 9th

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Vincent Jackson in the 6th to Jeremy

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Walker

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Wes

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Walker

Team-Specific Results Twig:

Q: You took Norwood in the 2nd round, but passed on the opportunity to take Dunn in the 4th and secure the Atlanta backfield. Reports indicate that Dunn is the week 1 starter. Any regrets or do you expect Norwood to overtake Dunn and end up starting quickly?

2 points here…. 1 is I’m a dumbass and after Charles took Dunn I thought wow he was still there I sure should have taken him. The other side of the fence is I needed a starting #2 WR and that’s all I was thinking about and now I’m not real high on Branch even though he was one of the highest rated when I picked. All that negativity aside I truly feel Norwood will emerge this year, quickly take the carries and is a good keeper candidate if that happens. He did score a receiving TD last night and looked good, but ATL run O looked horrible as
Dunn rushed 6 times for like 8 yards. Plus who doesn’t want Joey ballgame leading
an offence that affects your fantasy fortunes.

Q: Your #2 WR is either Deion Branch or Calvin Johnson. Are you concerned considering
that Branch has never gone over 1000 yds, and Johnson is a rookie?

I’m not to down on Branch, Hasselbeck will get people the ball and Branch was a semi stud with NE when Brady threw to 7 people every game. Just wish I could have gotten someone better. Here is to hoping Calvin is a stud by mid season.

Q: You ended up with the most home-town Lions players, three in total - Calvin Johnson,
Kevin Jones, Dan Campbell. Was this deliberate, or were you just taking best value at the time? Or are you just trying to make Craig jealous?

I feel Jones was a pretty good value where I got him as my #4 RB and had no intentions of drafting him before hand. Calvin also fell into my lap as the best WR I had rated when I picked there. I’m pretty sure Charles drafted Dan Campbell for me and I put him on the board before anyone else even picked in the round. At that point I was real sick of the draft; he will be the first I drop.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Bud

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome for sure

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Bud

Team-Specific Results Dustin:

Q: Your stable of WRs (Braylon Edwards, Devery Henderson, Donte Stallworth, Santonio Holmes, Ted Ginn Jr) are young, relatively unproven guys. Any concerns headed into the season without a bonafide #1 WR?

Going into the draft I knew I needed to get a couple starting RBs. I barely got Ahman Green and at that time, top tier WRs were gone, so I waited another round. I also really wanted Gates (WRish numbers a TE) and took him a round earlier than TonyG left the board. I have some talented young WRs and also 3rd year guys. a couple of these guys will break out and fill my WR slots..... and I have the best TE in the game.

Q: You took the first kicker off the board, Adam Vinatieri, in top of the 9th round. The next kicker taken was Shayne Graham 4 rounds later. Any regrets picking a kicker so early?

Vinatieri puts up freakishly good numbers.... K is a starting position.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Devin Hester in the last round

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Charles

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? You (eric) hahahahhaah!!!!

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Liefer

Team-Specific Results Liefer:

Q: You selected Andre Johnson in the 3rd round, ahead of Colston and T.J. Houshmandzadeh
(who you ended up getting in the 4th anyway). Schaub is still relatively unproven, and Johnson's value ultimately depends on how well Schaub does. Are you convinced that Schaub can be a solid quarterback, or did you feel that if Johnson can put up numbers with Carr behind center, he will be fine with Schaub?

Q: Despite their consistency and lack of injuries, you elected to spend two picks backing up Peyton Manning and Jason Witten. Its hard to envision Jake Delhomme or Desmond Clark ever starting over Manning or Witten, so was this strictly a move to nab some solid backups for bye weeks and in the event of injury? You could have used the picks instead on young unproven talent - guys like Brandon Marshall, Craig Davis, Brandon Jones, Michael Bush, etc, and potentially hit the jackpot (case in point, Maurice Jones Drew in 2006). Any regrets?

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Team-Specific Results Craig:

Q: In the 3rd round, you drafted Reggie Brown, a WR, when you already had Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson. Seeing that your # 3 RB right now is Leon Washington/Chris Brown do you regret taking Brown over RBs like DeAngelo Williams, C. Taylor, T. Bell, L. Jordan (who were available in the 3rd)? Do you plan to start 3 WR?

I am happy with the Reggie Brown pick. I felt with not having a 4th round pick I needed someone with less question marks then the running backs mentioned (splitting time). My hope is that Chris Brown will be a starting running back, thus giving me the option of either him or Reggie as my flex position.

Q: Before the draft you took a huge gamble and traded multiple picks away for Terrell Owens. In retrospect, how did the trade work out for you and would you do it again?

I think the trade worked out good for both parties. I ended up getting Ocho, TO, and Matt Hasselbeck with the picks I traded. I won't complain with those players. At least I won't complain for a few weeks. I felt more confident with TO then I did with possibly drafting a rookie RB in the 2nd.

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Tatum Bell, Round 3. But Jerome wasnt there.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Tony Romo, round 7 (jeremy)

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Jeremy

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Jeremy

Team-Specific Results Torey:

Q: Your draft seemed to consist of extremes - you had several guys that seem to fall to you and were great values (Driver, Chambers, Chris Henry), but you also seemed to reach in a number of spots (Gonzo, Matt Jones). Any regrets?

The Tony Gonzalez pick - there were a few good WRs out there. However, they had the same BYE weeks as my other WRs. Gonzo was ranked a few spots down on my board, so I figured I would go for him, and get a WR the next round. I feel fine about it. No regrets. Matt Jones is also another sleeper. He fits in with his bye week as well, and I think he has a lot of potential. This is his 3rd year, and he could emerge as something nice... or really suck. Since he is a backup, I am willing to take that chance. Besides, I am sure that I could find a decent WR replacement if he does bust.

Q: You elected to keep Tom Brady over Brandon Jacobs, despite the fact that Brady was a projected 2nd or 3rd round selection. Were you not sold on Jacobs as a starter, or are you expecting big things from Brady and were afraid you wouldn't get a shot at him in the 2nd?

I went back and forth on this quite a bit. I think I changed my mind 2-3 different times. I went through a ton of mock drafts, and pre-season predictions and rankings. All of them that I saw had them virtually the same or very similar. I mainly used ESPN. (Maybe that is 1/2 the problem... lol)

So I looked at it a few ways. Brady is very consistent and has been for years. The addition of a full year of Staalworth, and Moss (who many people forget used to be a 1-2 rounder when he was with the Vikings) can only increase his production. This made me upgrade Brady a little more then maybe others may have.

Now, with Jacobs, I was very excited after Barber announced his retirement last year. However, the Giants didn't seem that sold on him. That is the biggest reason they went out and got Droughns. He used to be good before he went to Cleveland . He has the potential to be good again. This makes me think of Dunn/Ducket from Atlanta . I feel that the Giants may turn to this type of 2-back system to keep them both healthy since Jacobs takes a beating, and Droughns is a health risk.

I have been burned in past years with running backs being "good" and then get burned and miss the playoffs. (D. Davis, L. Jordan, C. Williams, R Droughns - all of which was last year!) I felt I would take the consistency over the risk/reward. It may turn out to be an amazing keeper choice, or my biggest mistake of the 2007 season. We will know come the 13th week of the season!

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I think the earliest mistake was done by Eric's team. I think taking Adrian Peterson (R) really forced his hand in some later rounds. He then needed to take Taylor and even another RB before they were all gone. This definitely caused the rest of his draft to be a little chaotic trying to get the best player available while still not falling behind other teams.

The biggest reach of the draft was definitely hands down Adam Vinatieri going in the 9th round. There isn't much difference between the 1st and 12th kickers in the league. Also, you never know who will be the best kicker regardless. None of the top 3 kickers the last few years have been the best so you might as well wait until the end to get a kicker.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Definitely Greg Jennings in the 11th round! Wow... Farve is not going out handing the ball off. He is going to be throwing it into the sunset. If I didn't have Driver already, I would have been all over him... but I didn't want ANOTHER person with the same bye week.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

I think there are a few that did well. The one that stands out to me is Bud. Any time you have Larry Johnson Cadillac Williams Brandon Jacobs Lee Evans Donovan McNabb Santana Moss as your starting 6, that is good. Especially when one of them is LJ. However, I think Craig and Jeremy did well as well. Those trades ended up working for both of them.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

I think it was Dustin. I think he s very weak in the WR department, yet still doesn't have a true stud at RB either. (I don't count Westbrook since he always gets injured it seems) Unless one of his WRs come up big... it could be a LONG year.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

I will probably pick Bud since I can't pick my own team. But, rarely does the best draft turn out to be the winner of the league.

Team-Specific Results Bud:

Q: You took Lee Evans as your first WR in the 2nd, over Javon Walker, Andre Johnson,
and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Any regrets?

Lee Evans has every opportunity to double the others production. Fantasy Football is a crapshoot so you might as well just pick the guy that you want on your team.

Q: You started the draft by going with Brandon Jacobs, adding to LJ and Cadillac. But you didn't go back to RB again until the 7th round, when you got Reuben Droughns, a key handcuff. In retrospect, do you regret not adding another quality RB in rounds 2-6, considering the question marks surrounding your starting 3?

Almost every running back went above projected. I went best available and found a star QB and backup WR.

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? Devery Henderson or keeping Fred Taylor

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Jay Cutler or Chris Brown

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)? Twig or Pierce, but he had more picks.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)? Jerome

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)? Liefer

Team-Specific Results Wes:

Q: Despite the fact that Fragile Fred Taylor is your #2, you didn't take a RB until the 3rd round, when you grabbed DeAngelo Williams. Your first 2 picks (Steve Smith & Palmer) were solid, but any regret in passing on some of the RBs taken before DeAngelo (Lewis, Peterson, Lynch, Green, Barber, Norwood )?

I wasn't exactly pleased with the way the draft went, in terms of running backs available when I picked. My strategy this year centered around one main idea: take the best available player, that fills a need. I didn't want to "reach" for some of those RBs you listed, as I had them rated lower on my board. But I think that with any luck, my RB situation shouldn't be too bad at all. Time will tell.

Q: You took Dwayne Bowe in the 9th. Are you expecting big things, or do you feel you reached a bit?

The 9th round may have been a bit early, but there weren't many other players that really caught my eye as potential sleepers. I like Bowe as a possible contributor this year, based on his team's situation and some things I read about him.

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Jerious Norwood in the 2nd round jumps out at me as a bit of a stretch (sorry Jerad), but the award for the biggest reach has to go to Dustin for grabbing Vinatieri in the 9th.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I like Matt Hasselbeck in the 10th as the best value pick. A potential top five QB falling that far is a bit surprising. Vincent Jackson (who was high on my sleeper list, but I completely forgot about) would also get a nod as a good value.

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

It's a tough call on the best draft, but I'm leaning toward either Dez Nuts or the hoslap. There are quite a few good looking teams this year.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Aside from the obvious pick (Jerome), I'd say that bloodteethnhair had a rough go of it on draft day.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

My early favorite to win has to be the Craigulators. That team looks pretty solid from top to bottom. I guess that trade didn't work out too badly after all (on paper).

Team-Specific Results Jeremy:

Q: You started the draft with only one keeper (Portis), but had 7 picks in the first 4 rounds. Now that the draft is over, how do you feel about your team?

With the question marks surround Portis, my goal was to come out of the first 4 rounds (in which I had 7 picks) with a proven RB, Ladell Betts, and 2 others with high upside. I was not able to do this through the draft (Benson - unproven, Betts, Lynch (?), B Jackson (?), Portis (?)), but I was able to land Deuce McAllister for M. Lynch. I feel great about my RBs, got some very good value picks with my starting WR (Walker - late 2nd, Burress - late 3rd) and
also got a steal at QB in the 7th round with Romo. From there, I think I did a pretty
good job filling out my bench, but should have taken a flier or two on RBs late.

Q: You waited a long time on TE before finally pulling the trigger on Watson in the 12. Do you regret not taking a TE before the run?

I don't regret waiting so long on a TE only because I got Greg Olsen in the 12th round (Watson was the 10th). I reached for Watson and really could have used the pick better, but I panicked as I thought Twig would grab Watson.

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Torey - Matt Jones, 7th round (I think he could have been had as a free agent)

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Charles - Warrick Dunn, end of 4th round (Drafted 25 picks after Norwood and Dunn is the starter, huge steal)

Craig - Chris Brown, 7th round (Getting a starting RB this late, especially in this league, is a big surprise)

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Since we are talking draft, I will exclude the keepers from this decision. I think Liefer had the best draft, especially when you look at some of his value picks. Peyton Manning fell into his lap at # 4 and he had the RB keepers to take him. Reached on Andre Johnson big time, but then took the guy I thought he should have grabbed there in the next round, TJ Housh (lock it up).

I don't feel great about his RB depth having only DeShaun Foster & Tony Hunt as backups. Great value picks later to round out his roster though (Mark Clayton - 7th, Joe Horn - 11th)

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Torey, overdrafted a lot of guys. Marion Barber in the 2nd was too high, Tony G in the 4th when there were a ton of good tight ends out there 3 rounds later, Matt Jones in the 7th. Had some good picks later (Chris Henry in 11th, Anthony Gonzalez in the 12th), but just too many reaches early when you want to take best available.

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

I'd say Liefer, his 3 headed monster (Peyton, Alexander, Henry) would be tough to beat, then he went out and got a lot of really good value picks. Will be tough to beat if his team stays injury free

Team-Specific Results Jerome:

Q: Now that the smoke has cleared and you have seen your roster, what are your thoughts?
Can LT carry your team to the playoffs again?

Q: Your RB aren't very deep - LT is the only bonafide starter in the group. However, you have an excellent group of receivers. Will you run the 3 WR set and put Anquan Boldin, Torry Holt, and Bernard Berrian on the field at the same time?

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Team-Specific Results Eric:

Q: How do you feel after waiting 13 rounds and settling with JP Losman as your starting QB?

My strategy going in this year was to get a good values at the one-off positions - QB, TE, DEF, and K. I feel I was successful in all regards BUT QB, and I waited way too long to pick one.

Initially, I was hoping Bulger (long shot) or McNabb would fall to the end of the 3rd. When that didn't pan out, I set my sights on Romo and knew I could wait a few more picks. But then Jeremy sniped me on Romo in the 7th, and again on Eli Manning in the 9th. After both times, I elected to wait longer, thinking the QBs would still be there, as by that point, everyone had their starters. But then a run on backup QBs went, and I wasn't expecting that.

Part of my decision process was also based on my selection of Peterson in the 2nd - I essentially had to go with the handcuff early on, and then spent most of the draft either looking for RB values, or filling other holes. I felt like I was always playing catch-up.

The key to my season will be whether or not I can get consistent performance out of my QBs. I have the firepower at other spots so I won't need Losman to win games for me. The key is that he doesn't lose any for me.

Q: And how confident are you with relying heavily on two teams Indy (Harrison & Wayne) and Minnesota (AD & Chester)?

I am definitely nervous. In the case of Indy, if Peyton Manning goes down, my season is over. Does anyone even know who Manning's backup is? Does he even have one?

Not overly concerned about the reliance on Indy, as they have been solid and consistent offensively since Peyton was drafted. Minnesota is a bigger question, however.

Couple of things here - I needed to draft a RB in the 1st or 2nd round for two reasons: I was only keeping one RB (Steven Jackson) and our league is RB-crazy, so I knew the pickings would be slim by the time I picked.

Going into the draft, I was hoping that an RB would slip in the 1st round, but as expected, that didn't happen. My strategy then was to draft best available WR (Harrison) and then take best RB on the way back. The debate really became between Peterson and Lynch. I like Peterson's upside more, and part of that decision was forward-looking to next year as a possible keeper.
Plus Lynch has looked like crap in the preseason.

Once I took Peterson, I felt like I had to lock-up Chester too. I don't ever plan on starting both of these guys at the same time, but will play the hot hand. Chester looks to be the starter heading into the season, which puts me in an awkward position.

Q: Who had the biggest reach of the draft (can't pick your own)? I would say a tie between Matt Jones in the 7th and Adam Vinatieri in the 9th.

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)?

I liked Warrick Dunn in the 4th (Badics), Vincent Jackson in the 6th (Jeremy), and Chris Brown in the 7th (Craig). But I think best value was Greg Jennings in the 11th (Badics)

Q: What team had the best draft (can't pick your own)?

Based purely on where he started from, I think Jeremy's team improved the most. Think a lot of other teams did really well - Badics, Craig, Walker , Liefer. But considering all the picks he gathered and then what he was able to turn them into, his team really came a long way.

Q: What team had the worst draft (can't pick your own)?

The obvious answer is Jerome, but seeing how he wasn't even there, that's to be expected. Of the people actually there, I would say Dustin and Torey. While they both had good picks, both had a number of early reaches that could hurt (Donte Stallworth, Adam Vinatieri, Tony Gonzalez, Matt Jones).

Q: Favorite to win the championship (can't pick your own)?

Tough call. I think the early contenders (on paper) are Jeremy, Liefer, Walker , Badics, Craig, and Bud. Of that group, I like Walker 's starting unit the best, but think his lack of depth could be a problem if someone goes down. Ditto for Badics - great starting unit, questionable backups. Bud has a solid backfield but his WR are not the best. Craig has the opposite situation - great WR, but not a lot of RB depth. I like Liefer to reclaim the championship
trophy, beating Jeremy's squad in the finals.

Team-Specific Results Walker:

Q: You took Rivers in the 4th, which seemed a little early. Was that a result of the other top QBs (McNabb, Bulger, Palmer) going off the board so quickly, or did you have Rivers rated that high?

Drafted Rivers a round or two too early, but would have been gone at my draft position. I had him rated behind Manning, Palmer, Bulger, and McNabb.

Q: Your starters are solid, but with the exception of Kevin Curtis, your bench consists of rookies (Bush, Wolfe, Meachem) and handcuffs (Turner, Pittman, Morris). In retrospect, do you wish you had added another experienced WR or a backup QB?

I wanted another receiver, but could not get a good enough one at my position. I had other needs. I wanted another running back, but all quality backs were gone at my picks. Did not want a second QB. I can pick one up on waivers (playing well and matchups). I will probably snag another receiver in the next two weeks. I would like to wait until after the first or second week (if my guys stay healthy).

Q: What was the best value pick of the draft (can't pick your own)? Warrick Dunn (Badics)

Headlines - Week 6 2006

2006-10-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

Sharks Still Unbeaten
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (6-0) 96.17, Tiorted Snoil (2-4) 81.73

Quarterback Jake Delhomme continued his impressive play of late, getting help from RBs Steven Jackson and Willie Parker to win an easy one for the Big Brown Sharks, 96.17 - 81.73. Delhomme threw for 365 yards and 2 touchdowns (15 pts), and Jackson added 96 all-purpose yards and 1 TD (15 pts), and Parker contributed 109 yards rushing and 2 TDs (19 pts).

Tiorted Snoil played a solid game, getting production from QB Michael Vick (12 pts), RB Tatum Bell (15 pts) and WR Chris Chambers (12 pts). Ultimately though, the lack of production from RBs Ron Dayne and Kevan Barlow cost them the ballgame.

It wasn't all bad news for Snoil owner/GM Chris Walker. An acknowledged Shark fan, Walker was seen sporting wood on the sidelines throughout the entire contest, as he finally got to see his favorite team up close.

***

Meins Blow-Out Maulers
Final Score: Main Meins (5-1) 108.53, Midland Maulers (2-4) 45.30

It turns out the talk of Joe Horn's demise was premature, as he exploded for 110 yards and 2 touchdowns (23 pts).

The Main Meins continued to look impressive, utterly dominating the Maulers from Midland and winning by 63 points. For the Meins, Donovan McNabb continued his torent pace (15 pts), and Clinton Portis (19 pts) and Ronnie Brown (18 pts) also added to the assault. It turns out, those 3 performances alone would have been able to beat the downtrodden Maulers.

For the Maulers, the outlook is bleak at best. After a promising 2-0 start, they have lost 4 in a row, dropping them into the bottom half of the league. RB Rudi Johnson and the defense were no-shows in this contest (5 pts and 7 pts, respectively); they had carried the Maulers early, but have been absent of late.

***

Herr Lose Again; Sabo's Head Called For

Final Score: Chubby's In (4-2) 107.73, Blood Teeth N Herr (1-5) 85

The boo-birds howled early and often in this one, as Blood Teeth N Herr lost yet another one. The crowd at Sabo Municipal Stadium was hostile from the outset, and a large number of them wore tee-shirts with the words 'Fire Sabo' scrawled across the front in red letters.

The fans certainly have something to complain about, as Herr is now 1-5 on the season, after going 2-11 in the inaugural season. The next closest teams over that same period are the Craigulators and LanceBass AssPirates, both 6-13 lifetime.

Sabo was unavailable for comment.

For their part, Chubby's In continued their winning ways. QB Matt Hasselbeck had his best game on the season, throwing for 268 yard and 3 TDs (26 pts). Jeremy Shockey and the defense also contributed 17 pts each. It was enough to power the team to a win.

***

Nuts Slapped
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (4-2) 111, Dez Nuts (3-3) 98

Hokay went with an aerial assault, getting over 20 points from each of their 3 WRs, powering the team to victory, despite a solid outing from Dez Nuts. Roy Williams (22 pts), Laveranues Coles (22 pts), and Reggie Brown (25 pts) provided the fireworks for Hokay.

Despite this, Hokay didn't get much production from the rest of the team, leaving the door open for Nuts.

The players in the losing locker room realized they had a chance to pull out the victory, but lack of production from a couple of key players ultimately cost them the game. Edge rushed 36 times for only 55 yards, a meager 1.5 average, and only contributing 4.2 pts.

Also exposed during this loss was Nut's lack of a true #2 WR. Pressed into duty, Eric Moulds added only 4.4 pts. If Nuts want to go far, they will need to address this deficit.

Steve Smith (24 pts), and Warrick Dunn (20 pts) led the way for Nuts.

***

Craigulators Ride Again
Final Score: Craigulators (2-4) 84.8, Spartan Lions (2-4) 60.6

Kevin Jones continued his domination of late, rushing for 127 yards and 1 TD (22 pts), powering the Craigulators to the win in another ugly contest. TJ Houshmandzadeh also added 16 pts.

Meanwhile, the loss drops the defending champion Spartan Lions to 2-4 on the season. With star running back Shaun Alexander on the sidelines for at least 2 more weeks, it might get worse before it gets better for the Lions, who run the risk of going from first to worst in the course of only one season.

***

Smooth Shaft Dominates
Final Score: Smooth Shaft (3-3) 148.7, LanceBass AssPirates (2-4) 101.3

Smooth Shaft looked like world-beaters this week, posting a league-high score of 148.7 en route to a decisive victory and sticking it to the AssPirates.

Running back LaDainian Tomlinson gained 135 total yards and rushed for 4 touchdowns, contributing 37.5 pts. He was joined by QB Marc Bulger (24 pts), and WRs Torry Holt (33 pts) and Anquan Boldin (19 pts) in running up the score on the AssPirates. All four combined for more points than the entire AssPirate squad combined (115 vs 101).

"It was that kind of game," LT said, "the Shaft was in-sync today."

Overshadowed in the loss was the fact that for the first time all season, the AssPirates played a solid game and put points on the board. WR Terrell Owens hauled in 3 TDs on the day (22 pts), and RB Tiki Barber added 222 total yards (22 pts).

Headlines - Week 4 2006

2006-10-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Brown Sharks #1
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (4-0) 96.23, Smooth Shaft (1-3) 90.53

There was no champagne to mark the occasion. Gone were the cigars and party hats from the previous weeks, when the Big Brown Sharks were shocking the football world. Instead, chants of "Number 1! Number 1!" rang through the locker room.

As they had done all season, the Big Brown Sharks won again, squeaking out 6 point win, thanks in part to questionable personnel decisions by Smooth Shaft GM Jerome. The only other undefeated team, the Main Meins, had lost, leaving the Brown Sharks alone atop the summit.
The team's top 2 running backs, Julius Jones and Steven Jackson, powered the offense, the former running for 122 yards and a touchdown, and the latter gaining 146 all-purpose yards and a touchdown. And quarterback Jake Delhomme finally played to his potential, throwing for 169 yards and 2 scores.

Receiver Muhsin Muhammad called the team blessed. "Allah is guiding this team. His hand is on everything we do."

When asked if the upcoming game with defending champ Spartan Lions was a test for this team, Muhammad said no. "As Muhammad, blessed is his name, said- 'And you must rip the heads off of the vanquisher, and shit down his throat.' And so it will be next Sunday."

Despite the mood in the winning locker room, this was a game Smooth Shaft could have easily won. Once again starting less players than the opponent, the Shaft played a tight game but fell short in the end. One can only wonder if they had played even numbers, if they could have pulled this out, which would have drastically altered the landscape, dropping the Big Brown Sharks into a 4-way tie with the Meins, Hokay Hoslap, and Chubby's In.

Shaft Quarterback Marc Bulger played his best game of the season (328 yards, 3 touchdowns), as did receiver Torry Holt (102 yards, 1 TD) and running back DeShaun Foster (105 yards, 1 TD). "We were just outnumbered," Holt said.

"A loss is a loss," Bulger added. "But you can't help but feel that this is one we could have won."

***

Craigulators Win First; Hair Still Winless
Final Score: Craigulators 105.87, BLOOD TEETH AND HAIR 105.33

The game between the league's only remaining teams without a win ended up being a close-fought affair, and ultimately more entertaining than any of the other games on tap. But in true heartbreak fashion, Blood, Teeth, and Hair lost by mere fractions of a point. Of further discouragement is that, had they played most of the other teams in the league, Hair would have emerged victorious.

In the aftermath of a game in which they had left everything on the field, the Hair locker room was understandably downtrodden. "We did our best, but it wasn't quite good enough," Santana Moss said. Moss absolutely erupted this week, emerging from his funk with an awe-inspiring performance (138 yards, 3 TDs). But it was undercut by Frank "Banana Hands" Gore, who continued his fumbled-plagued campaign (79 yards, 2 fumbles).

The mood in the Craigulators locker room was one of giddy relief. The 3-headed running back trio of Kevin Jones (93 yards, 2 TDs), Willis McGahee (78 yards, 1 TD), and Todd Jones (98 yards, 2 TDs) led the charge for the Craigulators. Obviously relieved by his team's performance, Owner/GM/Head Coach Craig Roggenbuck slumped wearily on the john, having literally crapped himself after his team came back and eked out the narrow victory. "The first time is always the hardest, you know. Now that we have figured out how to score, watch out."

*

Meins Slapped, Lose First Game
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (3-1) 115.23, Main Meins (3-1) 104.40

In a possible preview of post-season action, the Hokay Hoslap team dominated early and held on for the win, dropping the Main Meins to 3-1 on the season. Running back Larry Johnson (101 yards, 2 TDs), quarterback Peyton Manning (217 yards, 2 TDs), and the defense (2 fumble recoverys, 4 sacks, 2 INTs, 1 TD) combined for 69 fantasy points, almost more than some entire teams in week 4 (Dez Nuts, Chubby's In, and LanceBass AssPirates). Johnson ran like Jamal "JailBait" Lewis was chasing him with a tube of baby oil, juking and dancing across the field and leading Hoslap with 26.2 fantasy points.

"The [Main Meins] will try to say it was close, and that if McNabb played in the 4th they could have won," Johnson said. "But that is bullshit man. We had their number, they were hit. If McNabb wasn't such a wuss he would have been out there in the 4th, with the game on the line. He is too preoccupied with shooting his Chunky Soup commercials. I think his mamma needs to lay off that soup, yo."

When told of Johnson's comments, Meins quarterback Donovan McNabb declined to comment on his sitting out of the 4th, but did stick up for his mother. "I'm not gonna get into that with him. But you know what they say, the camera adds 15 pounds." No word on just how many cameras were on Momma 'Chunky' McNabb.

For his part, McNabb played like a demon throwing for 288 yards and two TDs, and rushing for 47 yards and another 2 TDs. And for the second week in a row, running back Clinton Portis ran wild (112 yards, 1 TD). But it was not enough to vanquish Hoslap, who despite from their week 1 loss to the Big Brown Sharks, have looked very impressive.

***

Lions Roar
Final Score: Spartan Lions (2-2) 87.13, Dez Nuts (2-2) 70.13

It was a game they were supposed to lose, but instead, the defending champion Spartan Lions rose to the occasion and kicked the upstart Dez Nuts in the nads, pulling themselves to 2-2 on the year.

"If we had lost this game," crossing-dressing wide receiver/tight end Marquis Colston (132 yards, 1 TD) said, "it would have been disastrous. We'd be down at the bottom of the league. But now we are in the thick of it. Next week is huge."

If the Spartan Lions can pull out a victory in week 5, that would indeed be huge, as it would put the Lions only a game back on the first-place Brown Sharks, a near miracle considering their sluggish start.

The real story of this game, however, was the missed opportunity for Nuts to move to 3-1 and stay at the top of the pack. "This was a very winnable game," running back Warrick Dunn said, "but we blew it."

The stars in their previous wins, RBs Dunn (65 yards), Edge James (72 yards), and Chester Taylor (51 yards), disappointed, and that ultimately was the key to this loss.

***

AssPirates Sunk
Final Score: Chubby's In (3-1) 71.03, LanceBass AssPirates (1-3) 46.90

The really good teams win the games they are supposed to. This one had blow-out written all over it, and Chubby's In did not falter, taking advantage of a bewildered LanceBass AssPirates team on the verge of mutiny. This one could have been even worse, but star running back Brian Westbrook did not play a down, sitting out with his tender knee.

Fellow RB Lamont Jordan made up for his absence, playing to his normal level for the first time all season (128 yards, 1 TD).

For the AssPirates, this game was just another in a string of sloppy, uninspired performances. Drama Queen Terrell Owens, fresh off his attempted suicide, finished with 88 yards receiving, and had one apparent touchdown called back.

"The way we are playing," TO said, "it is a miracle that we won a game. Seriously."

***

Maulers Falter
Final Score: Tiorted Snoil (2-2) 83.44, Midland Maulers (2-2) 78.77

The really good teams win the games they are supposed to. After this game, one wonders if the Midland Maulers fall within that classification of a 'good' team. This was a game they should have won, against an opponent ripe for the kill. But instead, the Maulers kept up their Jeckel-and-Hide performance, and lost to Tiorted Snoil, falling to 2-2 on the year.

It was a huge victory for Snoil, who now finds themselves back in the thick of the playoff hunt. Stud rookie running back Maroney dominated this game (125 yards, 2 TDs), more than making up for Kurt Warner's terrible outing (128 yards, 1 INT, 1 fumble).

"I feel like this is some kind of test," Warner said. "These are the dark days the Bible talks about, and I feel Jesus is trying my soul for the days ahead. 'Lo though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no defensive linemen.' Amen."

Maulers running back Rudi Johnson was unusually quiet after this loss. Johnson did his part (91 yards, 1 TD), but did not get enough help and that ultimately doomed the team.

Headlines - Week 3 2006

2006-10-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Maulers Mauled, Brown Sharks Still Unbeaten
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks (3-0) 95.87, Midland Maulers (2-1) 88.67

It was a fall classic in every sense of the word, with two unbeaten teams fighting to remain atop the leader board. But what looked like an early rout turned into a nail-biter as the Midland Maulers erased a 40 point gap in the 4th quarter to single digits. But in the end, like their Owner and GM, the Midland Maulers came up short.

Willie Parker led the charge for the Sharks, recovering from his pitiful week 2 outing with an explosion - 146 total yards and 2 touchdowns (26.6 fantasy points). And for the second week in a row, WR Darrell Jackson had an outstanding game, pulling in 7 catches, for 57 yards and 2 touchdowns.

"We're only gonna get better," D Jax said after the game. "Jake is starting to come on now at quarterback. And our bench is deep. The sky is the limit for us."

Coach Vince Lombardi continued to preach patience, but was optimistic as well. "We've won 3 ball games now with- let's call it what it is- crap play from Delhomme. Once we start hitting on all cylinders, we will be very hard to beat."

Despite the win, there was an undercurrent of tension in the locker room. After opening up a huge lead early on the Maulers, the defense softened and the Maulers closed the gap quickly.
The narrow loss was of little consolation to the Maulers. Going into the game, the team felt good about their chances, including Owner/GM Torey Smith, who actually voiced a vote of confidence in his team this week, whereas in weeks past he has gone on record for the opponent. It remains to be seen if in light of the loss, Smith resorts to that tactic to motivate the team.

Coming into this game, the Maulers had largely been a two-act pony, getting the bulk of it's production from star RB Rudi Johnson and their stellar defense. But in the first game with only moderate production from those two, the Maulers lost, leaving one to wonder about the team's depth.

Quarterback Tom Brady (320 yards, 1 TD) and wide receiver Javon Walker (130 yards, 2 TDs) tried to make up for Rudi and the D, and indeed they led the charge from down 40 points to only 7. But it was too little, too late, and the Maulers perfect season is now blemished.

***

Meins Cruise
Final Score: Main Meins (3-0) 108.47, Craigulators (0-3) 88.43

Whatever coach Craig Roggenbuck said to his squad prior to the game worked, because his team came out and actually produced, putting up at least 20 more points then they had in their other previous outings. Gone was the lazy performance of the past 2 weeks, and for the first time this season, the Craigulators actually looked like a professional football team.

Unfortunately for the Craigulators, the Main Meins continued their early season dominance, routing the Craigulators by 20 points and leaving them winless on the year.

"It was a good team effort," quarterback Carson Palmer said after the game. "But good is not good enough against a team like the Meins."

It was not truly a team performance, however, as the Craigulators got the bulk of their production from 4 players - Palmer (193 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INTs), WR TJ Houshmandzadeh (94 yards, 2 TDs), and RBs Kevin Jones (125 total yards and 2 TDs) and Willis McGahee (150 yards rushing). If anything, this loss illustrated the lack of depth on the Craigulator roster, as there is no true #1 wide receiver on the team, and their 3rd RB is inconsistent (Thomas Jones).

To add further insult to injury, the Craigulators lost physical specimen Vernon Davis early in the contest. Davis was flexing, yelling, "Click, clack!" when he tripped over wide receiver Reggie Williams, who had been hiding under the bench, afraid to face the hard-hitting Meins. Davis broke his leg and will be out at least 4 weeks.

In a head-scratching move, GM Roggenbuck signed TE Desmond Clark to fill in for Davis. Clark is recovering from a foot injury suffered the same week, and showed up to his physical wearing a walking boot.

Ultimately, the GM is responsible for the level of talent on the field, but GM Roggenbuck declined to comment on his draft performance. Still, after a season where the Craigulators only won 4 games, this winless start has been discouraging to the fans, and if they keep up the dismal effort, the Craigulators will be playing in front of empty stands the rest of the year.

In the winning locker room, the story of the day was star running back Clinton Portis, back for the first time since suffering a shoulder injury in the preseason. Portis went off, going for 164 total yards and 2 touchdowns. Quarterback Donovan McNabb also kept up his strong start, throwing for 296 yards and 2 touchdowns.

Already, some in the locker room are looking forward to week 8, when the Meins play the only other remaining undefeated team, the Big Brown Sharks. "I don't know if we'll all still be undefeated," McNabb said, "but that is shaping up to be a title bout. A heavyweight battle. Mano a mano. Like two big, sweaty men lathered up in baby oil and wrestling over the last pork chop.

"Damn, I get hungry just thinking about it."

***

Bloody Nuts
Final Score: Dez Nuts (2-1) 97.10, Blood Teeth and Hair (0-3) 77.27

Fresh off their disappointing loss to the Mein Mains last week, Dez Nuts refocused and let 'em hang, easily defeating the Blood Teeth and Hair squad by 20 points.

In a surprise move, Nuts QB Drew Bledsoe was benched, and Jon Kitna took the reins. It turned out to be the right move, as Kitna directed the assault through the air, throwing for 342 yards and 2 touchdowns. The Nuts also got production from star receiver Steve Smith, playing for the first time since injuring his hamstring in the preseason. Smith went off on their hapless opponent, making 7 grabs for 112 yards.

Blood, Teeth and Hair played a solid game, and got decent production all around. But no one stepped up to assert himself, and in the cutthroat 4th and 20 league, that is suicide. Running back Frank Gore, an absolute STUD the first two weeks, was merely mortal in this effort, going for 74 total yards. Gore kept up his fumble streak alive, losing 2 balls in the contest.

Kicker John Carney, Hair's best player on the day (3 FGs, 2 PATs), was furious. "This is absolute crap, man. Look at our roster - we fricking suck! Our #2 wide receiver is Arnaz Battle? What the hell!"

The comments were overheard, and the team, led by Gore, dragged the kicker into the shower. Screams could be heard, and someone yelled, "No Vaseline!"

Finally, someone on the Blood, Teeth, and Hair team scored.

***

AssPirates Lanced
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap (2-1) 91.40, LanceBass AssPirates (1-2) 58.50

In what is starting to become commonplace for this franchise, the LanceBass AssPirates were utterly destroyed, losing to the Hokay Hoslap team by 33 points. Quarterback Peyton Manning led the assault (219 yards, 1 TD passing, 1 TD rushing), and also got help from receivers Roy Williams (138 yards, 1 TD) and Braylon Edwards (116 yards, 1 TD).

Edwards, part of a 3-way trade prior to the season that sent Muhsin Muhammad to the Brown Sharks and TJ Duckett to the Main Meins, had this to say. "They [Big Brown Sharks] doubted me, what I could do. Whether my knee was recovered. And they sent me off for a 30-something has-been from f'n Michigan State." Edwards made a kicking motion. "Next time we play, we're gonna kick that ass."

The real story for the AssPirates was not what occurred during the game, but the startling events after. Apparently, the season is looking so bleak for the AssPirates that star wide receiver Terrell Owens reportedly attempted to take his own life.

The day after the game, Owens was found passed out in his bathtub, wearing a wedding dress and full makeup (ala Dennis Rodman). An empty bottle of pills and three bottles of Jack Daniels floated in the tub, and a toaster oven was found underneath the Sesame Street bubbles (luckily, the toaster was unplugged). A 9mm pistol and a razor blade knife were also found near the tub.

Former 'N Sync member and team spokesman Lance Bass offered this statement. "It is all a misunderstanding. Terrell is a big, strong, healthy, well-muscled, sweaty, dream-inducing black man, and he is too beautiful to attempt suicide. He accidentally mixed the pills with his steroids, I mean his natural supplements."

Regardless of what did or did not happen with Owens, the AssPirates need to rally together, or by the end of the season, only spokesman Bass and kicker Jay Feely will remain.

***

Westbrook Huge for Chubby
Final Score: Chubby's In (2-1) 97.37, Tiorted Snoil (1-2) 76.03

Chubby's In ran roughshod over the Tiorted Snoil team, cutting a mile wide path down their butt and leaving the Snoil team dazed and confused.

Despite questions over the health of his knee, Brian Westbrook absolutely dominated in this game, posting huge numbers on the day - 164 total yards and 2 touchdowns. And quarterback Matt Hasselbeck finally woke up from his slumber, tossing the pigskin with ease and accuracy (227 yards, 5 TDs, 3 INTs). In the end, all the Snoil team could do was lie down, assume the fetal position, and wait for the storm to pass.

"My knee is fine," Westbrook said. "I just keep eatin' my Wheaties man, and drinking milk. My grandma's osteoporosis medicine has helped too."

The season is still young, but Chubby is looking like a strong contender to not only make the playoffs, but to go far, joining the unbeaten Brown Sharks and Main Meins, Dez Nuts, Hokay Hoslap, and the Midland Maulers as early teams to watch.

Quarterback and team spiritual guide Kurt Warner was absolutely horrendous for Snoil (256 yards, 1 TD, 3 INTs, 1 fumble), as was RB Corey Dillon (16 yards rushing). The lone bright spot in an otherwise dismal performance was Tatum Bell, who rushed for 127 yards on 27 carries. But it was not nearly enough to make up for a team of so-so performances, and the Snoils lost another one.

"I need to pray for our season," Warner said. "I know God cares deeply about a bunch of guys who make millions just running around, acting like kids. He will answer my prayers. He will send angels to carry us to the promised land, the championship game. Just you watch and see."
Warner didn't say whether the Snoils would be playing in the game, or just watching it from the stands.

***

Lions Shafted
Final Score: Smooth Shaft (1-2) 71.00, Spartan Lions (1-2) 66.67

Playing with two less players, Smooth Shaft nonetheless managed to squeaked out their first win of the year, against the defending champs of all teams. It is debatable which is more surprising - that Shaft won the game going 7 vs 9, or that for the second time in this early season, the Spartan Lions have looked less like they will defending their title, and more like they will be fighting it out for the first draft pick of 2007.

Shaft star running back LaDainian Tomlinson and kicker Mike Vanderjagt were both suspended during the week for an altercation involving a frozen turkey, a rabbi, and a stripper. They were both in uniform, but spent the game on the sidelines. No one started in their place.
Despite this, Shaft got enough production from quarterback Marc Bulger (309 yards, 1 touchdown) and receiver Torry Holt (120 yards, 1 touchdown) to snatch the win.

The real story of the game though was the lack of production from the champs, who are looking very beatable early in the year. Star receiver Chad Johnson (1 catch, 11 yards) was absent once again, as was rookie Mike Bell (12 yards rushing) and the much-vaunted defense.

The worst news for the Lions came after the game, when it was discovered the star running back Shaun Alexander had broken his foot. It is a potentially season-ending injury for Alexander, who was finally starting to come on for the Lions (69 total yards, 1 TD).

No word yet on whether or not Alexander owns a wedding dress.

Headlines - Week 2 2006

2006-09-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Brown Sharks Roll
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 86.73, Chubby's In 67.37

In the smoke-filled locker room after the game, none puffed on his stogie harder than wide receiver Darrell Jackson. Coming off a year shortened by a knee injury, there were rumors around the league that D Jax was done. And his performance in week 1 (5 receptions, 47 yards) only gave credence to his critics. But for this past Sunday at least, Jackson was back to his old antics, hauling in 5 receptions for 127 yards and a touchdown.

"I don't listen to any of that bullshit, man," Jackson said afterwards as he soaked his knee in an ice bath. Despite obvious appearances, Jackson claimed, "my knee is strong, I am healthy."

Coach Vince Lombardi was cautiously optimistic. "The kid played real good today, but we need to see if the knee holds up."

Of cause for other concern, for the second week in a row, quarterback Jake Delhomme drastically under produced, prompting the team to bring in Brett Favre and Chad Pennington for tryouts. In the end, neither QB was signed. For better or worse, the team is sticking with Jake.

"Why not," Coach Lombardi said. "We're 2 and 0. You don't tinker with success."

The surprising Midland Maulers loom on the schedule for the Brown Sharks, one of the 3 remaining undefeated teams (the other, the Main Meins).

The attitude in the Chubby's In locker room was one of utter disappointment. "We were in this game, could have won it," Brian Westbrook said. "But we let it slip away." The loss was no fault of Westbrook's, one of the lone bright spots in an otherwise dismal performance (124 total yards, 1 TD) by the team.

For the second week in a row, Chubby's star running back was absent. Lamar Jordan finished with only 35 yards rushing, bringing his total after 2 games to a meager 55 yards.

Jordan declined to comment on his performance, instead skipping a shower and driving home in his uniform.

Matt Hasselbeck had this to offer. "There is no question, he needs to play better. We all do. Every man in this room needs to take a look in the mirror." Hasselbeck started the day strong, but a pair of interceptions spoiled his outing (221 yards, 1 TD, 2 INTs).

***

Nuts Checked
Final Score: Main Meins 90.37, Dez Nuts 86.00

This one had the feel of a postseason game as two of last year's playoff teams battled it out to remain undefeated. And the game lived up to the hype, going down to the wire.

Defense was an afterthought in this shoot-out, but when the dust settled, Dez Nuts ran out of ammo and was gunned down in the street like a no-good, two-bit, criminal and Main Meins was the posse-leading sheriff.

Once again, Donovan McNabb was the main man for the Meins, throwing for 350 yards and 2 touchdowns. Plaxico Burress was the main recipient, catching 6 balls for 114 yards and a touchdown.

All-Universe rookie Reggie Bush (73 total yards), summed it up for the team. "They ain't got nothing on deez nuts," he said, grabbing himself.

For Nuts, the trio of running backs all contributed, as Edge (97 all-purpose yards), Chester Taylor (128 all-purpose yards), and Warrick Dunn (134 yards rushing) led the charge. Quarterback Drew Bledsoe also rebounded from his sub par week 1 performance, throwing for 237 yards and 2 touchdowns.

It was not enough, and in the end, the Main Meins were the ones riding off into the sunset.

***

Lions Feast on Blood, Teeth, and Hair
Final Score: Spartan Lions 98.37, Blood Teeth and Hair 91.77

After a week 1 hiatus, the defending champs came to play. Unfortunately for them, so did the Blood, Teeth and Hair squad. It was a knock-out, drag-down, back-alley brawl, and after taking a number of shots to the groin, the Spartan Lions managed to limp away with the victory.

Lions quarterback Eli Manning led the effort, throwing for 371 yards and 3 touchdowns. Star running back Shaun Alexander bounced back from a disappointing week 1 outing, running for 89 yards and a touchdown.

The ageless one, Rod Smith said, "Hey, like Mike Bell said last week. Until someone comes in here and takes it from us, we are still the champs." Smith didn't stick around for further comment, needing to get to Denny's before 5 to get his AARP discount.

The Blood Teeth and Hair locker room was quiet after the game. Quarterback Drew Brees, promoted to the starting position after Aaron Brooks' horrendous outing week 1 (Brooks was cut immediately following the game), said, "It's definitely frustrating. We've played well both weeks, and to be 0 and 2… it's tough."

Brees did his part to lead the team, throwing for 353 yards and 2 touchdowns. And for the second consecutive week, running back Frank Gore was an absolute beast, tearing up field and assholes alike en route to 137 total yards and a touchdown. Fumblitis was a problem for Gore again, however, as he coughed up the ball twice.

"I've got small hands," Gore said. "I'm not used to handling anything that big."

*

AssPirates Mount Craigulators
Final Score: LanceBass AssPirates 80.23, Craigulators 67.23

For the second straight week, the Craigulators showed no desire and lost a very winnable game, letting the LanceBass AssPirates run roughshod all over them.

"Guys need to step-up," quarterback Carson Palmer said after the game. "This is a team game, and we can't win without a full effort from everybody."

For his part, Palmer threw for 352 yards and 2 touchdowns, but even his performance was marred by 2 interceptions.

Stud rookie Vernon Davis, simply said, "Click, clack! I think I hear them coming." He then posed and tried to look hard for the cameras.

From the outside looking in, it seems that only after two games, the Craigulators are coming apart at the seams. Craigulators Owner/GM/Coach Craig Roggenbuck did not take the blame for his team's disinterest, and instead called out the waterboy. "He did a really shitty job today. I mean, come on. There were at least a dozen occasions where I was thirsty and the little shit was no where to be seen."

On the other side of the hall, the AssPirates were whooping and hollering, giddily chasing each other around and snapping towels. An impromptu game of smear-the-queer broke out, and kicker Jay Feely ended up at the bottom of the pile.

Deuce McAllister was the big dog today for the AssPirates, rushing for 47 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

Terrell Owens, quiet with only 3 catches for 19 yards, broke his finger during the game. Despite the injury, TO indicated he would be ready to play next week. "It's only a finger, man. I've got 9 others. Besides, even with one less finger, I'm still better than any other receiver."

***

Snoil Foiled
Final Score: Hokay Hoslap 111.63, Tiorted Snoil 89.90

After a week 1 ass-kicking, the Hokay Hoslap team came alive, lighting up the scoreboard and their opponent, Tiorted Snoil.

Hoslap quarterback Peyton Manning was phenomenal, throwing for 400 yards and 3 touchdowns. To put his performance in perspective, Manning almost had as many points (28.53) as Snoil's best two players combined (30.9 - Donald Driver: 16.9; Corey Dillon: 14).

Ever the gentleman, Manning declined the opportunity to showboat. Teammate Laveranues Coles did not. "We kicked their ass man. What the fuck is a snoil, anyway? Is that some kind of snail or some shit?" For the second consecutive week, Coles was a major contributor (6 catches, 100 yards, 1 touchdown). The main difference this week is that he got some help from the team's big guns.

The Snoil locker room was quiet and disappointed following the game. "It's weird," quarterback Kurt Warner said. "We played like crap last week but won, and this week we played good but lost. I understand it is all part of the Lord's plan, but sometimes you gotta scratch your head and say, 'what the fuck?'."

Warner was solid in the effort (231 yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception), and the team got good production across the board- Chris Chambers (55 yards, 1 touchdown), Driver (153 yards), LJ Smith (111 yards), and Dillon (80 yards, 1 touchdown) all put up good numbers.

In the end, good was not good enough for the Snoils, and they lost in a heartbreaker.

***

Shaft Mauled
Final Score: Midland Maulers 109.68, Smooth Shaft 74.27

For the second consecutive week, Midland Maulers GM Torey Smith was quoted in the media as saying his team would lose the coming match. And for the second consecutive week, his team proved its GM wrong with another trouncing, this time handing Smooth Shaft a 35 point loss.

Once again, running back Rudi Johnson was the most fired up by Smith's comments, rushing for 145 yards and 2 touchdowns. "Whatever man," Johnson said when asked about Smith. "As long as dude is writing my checks, I could give a fuck what he says."

The defense was huge again, as they registered 6 sacks, recovered a fumble, and picked off 3 passes.

For the Shafts, the loss drops them to 0 and 2 on the season. The team has yet to put together a full game, and until they do, they will likely continue losing.

LaDainian Tomlinson was once again the only real contributor for the Shafts, going off for 122 total yards and 2 touchdowns. Despite his personal success, Tomlinson was disappointed in the team's performance. "We didn't get it done today, by any means. We need to get back to the drawing board and figure something out here, or this is gonna be a long season."

Still, Tomlinson realized all was not completely lost. "When do we play the Craigulators? Hey, at least we will win that game."

Headlines - Week 1 2006

2006-09-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hoslap Slapped, Sharks Win
Final Score: Big Brown Sharks 108.1, Hokay Hoslap 90

Behind the steel leg of place-kicker Jeff Wilkins, the Big Brown Sharks got off to a rousing start with a 108-90 victory over the Hokay Hoslap squad. Wilkins converted on 6 or 7 field goal attempts, a franchise record for the second year team.

"He was kicking them long and straight," Brown Sharks coach Vince Lombardi had to say in the champagne-soaked locker room after the game. Some might have questioned the celebration as premature, but at 1-0, the Brown Sharks are undefeated for the first time in franchise history. Last year's squad looked built for a Championship run, but injuries and suspect play at QB torpedoed the season early on.

During the off-season, Brown Sharks GM Eric Pierce took a broom to the roster and rebuilt around the core. Not escaping the carnage was coach Lou Holtz, fired after just his first season. At the time, Pierce said, "I just felt that Lou spent too much time picking at the grass on the sideline, and not enough time coaching the team." After a solid draft this year, Pierce pulled the ultimate move, getting legendary coach Lombardi to return from the dead for another shot at the title. "I felt someone needed to light a fire under the team's ass," Pierce said. "And who better than a guy that's been there and won it. If Vince can't scare the team into performing, then who the hell can?"

Not every move was so reasonable, however. Despite erratic and disappointing play last season, Pierce brought Jake Delhomme back for another season behind center. Delhomme was back to his old antics on Sunday, throwing for only 186 yards and turning the ball over twice. Afterwards, Pierce had this to say. "We've got a lot of new faces around here, and everyone is not on the same page at this point. Jake will turn it around. The important thing is that we got the win."

Whether or not Delhomme can indeed lead the Brown Sharks to a title remains to be seen, but for this week at least, the team looked like champs, knocking off last year's second place finishers.

After praising Allah for the win, Muhsin Muhammad simply said "we kicked their ass." Muhammad admitted to being fired up for this game. "After what they did to me, you know, I felt I needed to show them they made a mistake." Muhammad turned in a 6 catch, 102 yard performance that Hokay Hoslap GM Adam Budzynski was sure to notice. Meanwhile, Braylon Edwards was less than impressive in his season debut and spent most of the game on the bench.
Despite the bravado, the game was closer than the final score indicated, as the Hokay Hoslap squad made a run late in the second quarter and took a small lead. The defense turned in an impressive performance, Jamal Lewis was steady, and Laveranues Coles surprised everyone but himself with a 8 catch, 153 yard game. "That's what I do," he said simply, when asked about his performance. "Just give me the damn ball."

Despite Coles's heroics, Hoslap did not get production where they most expected it. Hoslap's top 3 players- Peyton Manning, Larry Johnson, and Roy Williams combined for only 29 points, well under the projection (45 points). LJ was the most productive of the trio, gaining 148 combined yards but failing to find pay dirt.

"We just didn't get it done," Manning said. "Give them credit, they were the better team today."
Johnson agreed, but offered this warning- "We sucked ass today, but we will meet again, and then its on like Teflon, baby!"

***

A Field of Blood, Teeth, and Hair
Final Score: Main Meins 98.47, Blood Teeth and Hair 85.97

The onslaught began early and often. In a game that was never really as close as the final score suggested, the Main Meins hung one on the squad of Blood Teeth and Hair. After the carnage, the field was littered with blood, teeth, and hair, and almost all of it belonged to the Hair squad.

For the Main Meins, Donovan McNabb led by example, throwing for 314 yards and 3 TDs. Running back Ronnie Brown notched two scores, and All-World rookie Reggie Bush electrified fans with 119 all-purpose yards. The Hair team was left reeling from the offensive weaponry.

"They got hit yo," Bush had to say after the game. He then turned and dropped his towel, showing the reporters his now-larger area code digits. "619 baby. Represent."

Keyshawn Johnson stood off to the side, watching as Bush flexed his cheeks. "Rookies," he muttered.

Almost as a whole, Hair underperformed, getting little production from the stars. The lone exception was Frank Gore, who made a big splash, gaining 170 total yards and rushing for 2 touchdowns. Even his performance was not without faults, however, as he fumbled the ball away twice.

Quarterback Aaron Brooks and the Moss twins- Randy and Santana- made a run late in the 4th. Down 30 points, they managed to close the gap to 13 points, but couldn't get closer than that.

Tony Gonzalez, solid with 81 yards receiving and a touchdown, said, "If you look at the scoreboard, we didn't lose by much, but it never felt like a ballgame. The Meins had our number and we never really responded until it was too late."

***

Nuts Run to Victory
Final Score: Dez Nuts 81.40, LanceBass AssPirates 64.03

Dez Nuts road the strong play of their 3-headed RB monster to victory, literally running over the LanceBass AssPirates. Incumbent Edgerrin James rushed for 73 yards and a score, and newcomers Chester Taylor and Warrick Dunn also contributed. Taylor accounted for 131 yards of offense and a touchdown, while Dunn added 132 yards on the ground.

James grinned widely when asked what he thought of his two new teammates, blinding the reporters with his bling. "They's balla's."

Aside from the three running backs, Nuts did not get much play from its other players. Against another opponent, that might have cost them, but as James put it, "We're just playing to the level of our competition. They're JV-level, so that's what we played like."

In the losing locker room, the AssPirates looked like a team who had just had their booty plundered. Tiki Barber had run strong, gaining 171 all-purpose yards, and Terrell Owens had 6 receptions for 80 yards and a touchdown. But aside from that, the team just did not produce.

"We stunk up the joint," TO said between crunches. "Plain and simple. Stunk. S-T-U-N-K. Stunk."

TO stood and flexed and, holding the pose, pointed at quarterback Daunte Culpepper. "He was the stinkiest."

Culpepper declined to comment on the game, his play, or his relative level of stinkness.

***

Snoil Steal One
Final Score: Tiorted Snoil 70.93, Craigulators 61

This was a game they could have won. The Craigulators were at home, and they were facing an opponent distracted by a controversy swirling at running back. There was dissension in the Tiorted Snoil locker room over the waiving of former Heisman Trophy winning running back Ron Dayne. Some on the Snoil squad didn't even know they had a game this week.

Despite all of this, the Craigulators did not mount up, but instead let a golden opportunity slip through their hands. Led by Carson Palmer's paltry 127 yards passing (2.13 points), the Craigulators were in the tank early and never put up much of a fight.

Meanwhile, the Snoils vacated the visiting locker room and got on the team bus before someone could realize what had happened and challenge the game, riding off like thieves in the night. "We straight up stole that one," veteran Corey Dillon said as the bus chugged away.

Grizzled former stock boy Kurt Warner looked up from his bible, eyes welling with tears, when asked about the Craigulators. "They've changed." Despite his demeanor post-game, Warner was an absolute surgeon during the game, slicing apart the defense for 301 yards and 3 touchdowns.
None on the team bus was happier than GM Chris Walker. "We got the win, and that is all that matters." He then turned to the bus driver. "How'd the Brown Sharks do? Man, I love that team."

***

Chubby In, Smooth Shaft Out
Final Score: Chubby's In 106.1, Smooth Shaft 86.13

Chubby's In looked like world beaters in their season opener, handling Smooth Shaft with surprising ease. It was a true team performance, as nearly everyone contributed to the victory. The lone disappointment for Chubby was star Lamont Jordan, who managed only 20 yards rushing. Still, the team was able to account for Jordan's lack of production and come away with the win.

"That is the definition of team," said Brian Berrian. "When somebody doesn't produce, everyone else steps up to make up for that." Berrian was signed by the team at the last minute on Sunday, just prior to kick-off. He literally ran out of the tunnel, onto the field, and caught a 49-yard touchdown, his only contribution on the day.

Smooth Shaft played a solid game, but a lack of production from their stars cost them in the end. Marc Bulger (217 yards) and DeShaun Foster (54 yards rushing) were the biggest disappointments.

"We all had to be on our games to win this one," LaDainian Tomlinson said. Despite playing a very impressive game (131 yards rushing, 18 yards receiving, 1 touchdown), LT alone could not make Shaft victorious. "They played as a team today," LT added, "and we just played with ourselves."

***

Lions Mauled
Final Score: Midland Maulers 90.13, Spartan Lions 68.13

They were supposed to lose. Hell, even before the first snap, the Midland Maulers had lost. With one of the cornerstones, Domanick Davis, lost to a season-ending knee injury, and facing the defending champions, the Maulers looked doomed to start 0-1 on the year. Even GM Torey Smith thought so, going on record to say the Lions would win this game.

But instead the team responded with a gutsy performance, crushing the defending champions and surprising everyone except those in the Mauler's locker room.

"That's how we do," Rudi Johnson said, after rushing for 96 yards and a touchdown and leading the team in testosterone. "Those cats couldn't hold my jock."

Tom Brady, Team Captain and all-around good guy, was more diplomatic about the win. "We went in, did what we had to do to start the year off on a good foot." Despite throwing for a mere 163 yards, Brady managed to put 2 scores on the other team and lead his team to victory. Brady was the big off-season acquisition by the Maulers, who had played for the Main Meins the prior year. GM Smith hopes that Brady's leadership will put his team, who went far in the playoffs last year, over the top this year.

The real hero of the day was the defense though, producing 3 sacks and 3 interceptions, one of which was returned for a TD.

After the game, the mood in the Lion's locker room was subdued but professional. Shaun Alexander shrugged away the premature questions of his team's demise. "The season is early man. We underestimated that team and they made us pay. I need to play better, that's for damn sure." Alexander gained only 51 yards on 19 rushes, a meager 2.7 average, and fumbled the ball once.

Rookie Mike Bell, though a newcomer to the champs, agreed. "We're still the champs man. The road to the title goes through us." Bell was impressive in his debut, going for 58 yards on 10 carries and punching it into the end zone once. Bell did injury his finger during the game, but contends that he will be ready to play next week.

GM Smith could not be reached for comment on why he had doubted his own team, though some close to the GM have claimed it was a ruse to get the team fired up. For at least one Mauler, Rudi Johnson, it appeared to have worked. "That guy doesn't know his jock from his elbow," Johnson had to say when asked about Smith.

Despite the words, the mood was jovial. Winning heals all wounds. But without Dom Davis, the Maulers only have one leg to stand on. Can they keep up the effort every week, or did they just get lucky this time, catching the defending champions with their pants down.